Where can I read about intimacy conversation? Who writes about this topic?
I just went into goggle search and it pulled up a selection of reads.
I think she has a deep need to "hear" you talk about how she makes you feel (in a good way). If you don't know how to get started, then start by telling her how you felt the first time you saw her..........what you noticed first about her. Make this all positive, sweet, private, personal feelings you are sharing with her........about her effecting you in a wonderful way. Tell her about the first time you asked her out. Were you nervous that she would turn you down? If so, tell her. She may think it's funny that she could have that effect on you, but it will make her feel good. It will be a shot to her self esteem. It will help you sound more humble and down to earth.
Talk about the first time you held her, kissed her, when you knew you couldn't live without her, etc. Tell her how she made you feel more of a man. These are personal feelings you share with her that you wouldn't share with anyone else. That is what makes it intimate conversation.
IMO, you need to divide the intimate conversations from the R talk and things that happened surrounding the A. In other words, a time and place for each. You have had some talk about the A and the M. With her depression and low self esteem, you may need to try an introduction to intimacy conversation. You could start it by saying, "I've been thinking of the time I first saw you". Then tell her something positive about it. Don't use vulgar language, but you can tell her how attracted you felt to her.
Keep it simple and if she wants to hear more, she'll probably ask you questions or show you she's very interested in what you are saying. The goal here is to take a small step (without over-kill) to restore some emotional bonding in the M by reflecting back to sweeter days in the beginning of the R. Plus, some people who have low self esteem feel better when another person tells them how wonderful they are. We know it works in leading up to affairs. It also works in leading to intimacy in M.
Just don't mix into the intimate conversation with how she made you feel when she was with OM. That is for another time and another type of talk. The intimate conversations she needs at this time are all positive talk about her. Think of it like you are making love to her verbally.
As her self esteem improves and she begins to feel on equal levels as you, then you can share personal feelings about other experiences. The intimate discussions should be enjoyable. It should be spoken lovingly. It can be teasing, playful, tender, flirty, or deeply self-exposing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
