I agree with labug that your H does not have to like the boundary and all you can do is ask your H to respect it. My H often says that he does not like the boundaries, but he totally gets it and respects it.
Remember that if you don't respect yourself, your H will not respect you either. If you let your H do as he pleases, he will continue to do so. Your H is not in the position to sit back and think "maybe I should not do this." People who are not in crisis realize that it is probably not a good idea to post a picture on FB with other woman for numerous reasons. He clearly is not getting it. I literally had to call my H on a couple of things that he did not even realize were problems (i.e. taking our kids to lunch with OW).
There is just no way to continue to bottle up and ignore continued disrespect and insensitivity. If you don't have set healthy boundaries, you will continue to struggle and the resentment and anger will continue to build. Eventually, you will just be done because your H is just not getting it. You wont have even given him the opportunity to make some changes. And you will probably be so angry that your co-parenting relationship will struggle moving forward. I know that as a mom, you dont want that to happen because the kids are the ones who truly suffer.
The way I see it, there really is not much to lose if you talk to H about your feelings (he already moved out and said he dose not want to be your H right now) and a lot more to gain. When I talked to my H, I told my H that I was feeling hurt by his actions with OW, the fact that I thought he was flaunting his single life. I told him that my biggest fear and what I worried about the most was that H would hurt me so bad that he would not have a good co-parenting relationship. I asked him to respect me as a person and as the mother of his children. I told him that I would not demand that he end his A and/or come back. I simply asked him to think about the fact that we have to be in each others lives forever and that he try to not purposely hurt me or disrespect me. I was not trying to punish H. I was just letting him know how hurt I was and what my feelings may be in the future if he continues to disrespect me. I think that if you focus on your feelings, the kids feelings and your hopes to maintain a good relationship moving forward (at least in terms of co-parents), your talk will be successful.
In terms of the schedule, I really recommend getting one set. Once we did that, it eliminated a lot of discussions that drove me insane. Like you, I am a planner and my H does everything last minute. I hated not being able to tell the kids what the plan was. I hated not being able to make plans for myself because I never knew when I would be free. We have set dates, but we are both flexible when we need to be. I think that I would offer your H an extra day this week since he has not seen the kids. I know that your H chose to not go on vacation, but not offering would be you punishing H. Just think about how you would feel if your H took your kids on vacation. I am sure that you would want extra time. I would try to offer when it is not a big deal, so that your H would do the same in the future if you need him to be flexible. You dont want to get to the point that you always so no, so then your H always says no.
