H said last night I don't know why you care about me and OW? I said you live here, we are married, so is she and it is disrespectful to me. If we were separated and you didn't live here it would be another story.
Now THAT was a great answer.
Next time, add " . . . disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."
Starsky,
I am going to hijack this thread for (hopefully) and answer from you to two questions...
1) I recently found evidence of a strong EA (she is wildly in love with a guy in another country) and she doesn't know that I know. I am DBing. Your posts about boundaries made me curious - would you go with a "confront the A" approach if you were me, or do I act "as if" and keep doing my thing?
2) One time when she said she wanted to leave and she was "done" (she says this every few weeks or so, maybe just so I don't forget ha ha) I accidentally lost patience and left DB land and I said something about how she would be hurting me and the kids... she lost it and told me how much some of the things I say are so hurtful. It definitely made me feel guilty. Was this manipulation on her part, or should I have refrained from saying that?
S4,
Do you have your own thread? I don't want to hijack this one. Generally, I am not in favor of just ignoring the 500-lb. gorilla in the room, and that's not really what Michele's "Act As If" is all about anyway.
I WOULD encourage you to NOT evaluate how well something works (or doesn't work) on your wife's immediate WORDS, however, but rather by her longer-term ACTIONS. (some of the most fruitful turnarounds I've seen -- including my own -- began with the cheating spouse screaming like a witch with holy water poured on them, LOL).
