Is your daughter cutting? This is very serious and she needs help now. If she doesn't like going offer to go in with her. I had a daughter who didn't like the therapist, went in with her and I ran out the door and didn't look back.
Matter of fact I even asked the Pediatrician if he didn't like us (jokingly)? He asked me why?
I shared the incredibly odd affect he had, his behavior, the old office and that the guy sat behind a desk...C r EE pY.
He laughed and said child psychiatrists can be odd. Odd, did not describe him...
Interview the docs, see if any are women. Many girls feel it a violation to share with adult men, especially if they are having issues with their fathers.
They also need (the doc) to be very intelligent, for once a week may not allow them to see with whom they're dealing.
My oldest daughter was a huge challenge, tight as a clam.
As for sharing with husband. Well, I strongly disagree. If he violates the trust of her privacy and it is compounded by comments, HELL to the NO!
Your daughter comes first ! She HAS to have a parent she can trust. He obviously has proved differently, affairs and breaching the confidences.
You can start by modeling the expression of your feelings. This is a very powerful example. You can show her ways to express, the funnier the better. It really cuts the ice. Sometimes breaking things helps, the sound and the sensation of something giving way to blunt force.
Water balloons, paint ball, hand ball, raquet ball, golf/driving ranges, kneading bread dough, TENNIS! Tennis can be awesome, for it is striking something, and HARD. Another really great outlet is ...the punching bag. She can put his picture on it and wail away.
The thing is , they need to emotionally and physically vent.
She gets a rush of endorphins when she cuts or harms herself, and that is tough to combat. Running will release endorphins, and there are certain foods that release chemicals to the brain, which help with depression. Pistachios, dark chocolate, walnuts, banana's, eggs, sunflower seeds, high protein diet and complex carbs.
You don't have to tell her these help, just have them around as snacks or HELLO a frozen dark real choc. covered banana dipped in peanuts...awesome sauce!
I hope this helps some...
Anger and hurt are usually the ones suppressed and cause the most damage. When my 21 year old wanted to cut my husband's suits, I told her it was passive aggression and she needed to do something that wouldn't do permanent damage to her dad to express her hurt and anger.
She asked if she could smash the wine bottles ( I'm really not a drinker ) with a hammer. I said SURE, put on the safety glasses, us a blanket or sheet, and whack away!
It really helped her. Kids do get the brunt of all this crap and they most certainly do NOT deserve it.
Protecting your daughter is number one priority, keeping H. in the loop is waaaay down on this one.
S.A.F.E. has a website, read up on this.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
