DB'ing works for so many relationships... You seeing a counselor sounds like a great idea. Your going to need help working through this as well as your daughter.
Please do not pile the guilt onto yourself, this is not your fault. Life is tough at times and people have to learn how to deal with the ups/downs. I would suggest you learn as much as you can to facilitate her growth, however you cannot force her to change. That is the painful part of loving someone, when they hurt we cannot "make" them better.
Being afraid is a perfectly normal reaction to this type of situation. I am glad you acknowledge that, now use that emotion to propel you in a positive direction.
I hope and pray that your daughter finds a peaceful path to walk.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
