Settling in for the long road ahead

[Liberty3]

I feel very confused.

The business trip went well but turned into more of a holiday. H had originally planned two half days for sightseeing, but he obviously forgot to pack a clock! He was very relaxed, no early morning alarm was set, we just woke up when we were ready. He kept mentioning he was in 'holiday mode', he was chatty, affectionate, playful and very unstressed! There was a couple of incidents where I was expecting him to get cranky and horrible but he seemed to take it all in his stride.

We ended up not purchasing what we went to buy, and taking an Extra couple of days sightseeing!!!! I had a great time but I was expecting another BD or anger outburst at anytime. When H dropped me home he thanked me for coming and said perhaps we could do it again next year. Incidentally, it was our first holiday together EVER!!!

A couple of times he mentioned doing some road trip/camping with friends in the future and I kept the conversation general, not sounding like I was going to be there too, but he mentioned something about making something to keep my ipad safe. He doesn't use any electronic gadgets and he has always said he isn't interested in learning how they work. He also asked what overseas places I would like to travel to (I answered that one briefly and didnt peruse the subject! I'm getting good at brief replies and gently changing the topic of conversation :))

A couple of weeks ago, H was looking online and found a group he likes are playing a couple of concerts here in Australia. He was going to get me to book tickets but when I asked him how many to book he just couldn't decide so we left it. While we were away he asked if I would like to go and see this group and has asked me to book two tickets.

I had my first DB coaching session on Friday. I thought I had planned it well and no one would be home, except H walks in half way through! I managed to finish the call without him realising who I was talking to (I think!). I found the coaching helpful. I made the decision a few weeks ago to be affectionate to H, and I try to have a PMA whether he is around or not. I was struggling with whether to continue having a physical relationship with H. I know lack of s3x is one of his complaints, and it has been an issue for me too, but it is something that I have worked my way through (upbringing - good girls just don't!!).

My coach wants me to set small goals and monitor H responses. I'm having a bit of difficulty coming up with small goals, but as I think about things, there have already been a few small positive responses to me being more affectionate. A couple of times H has blown me a kiss as he drives away, he was holding my hand when we were walking around on our trip, and a couple of times he initiated the hand holding, he is definitely more flirty and will text message me about things other than work. I can't put his relaxed attitude when we were away done to me because it may just be because he was away from work.

I feel like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. There seems to have been a positive change in H's attitude in the past couple of weeks. One thing that did cross my mind and I don't know if it has got any bearing on things, I bought myself a little gold ring with three little diamond specks in. I took my wedding rings off over a year ago and have been ring less since but I miss fiddling with them. I decided to wear this ring not as a wedding ring but as a 'standing' ring, one diamond chip for the next three years, as H wants to sell everything up in 2016 and disappear into the sunset. In my mind I have decided to stand until then, and hopefully he will return to our relationship. Anyway, when working just before Christmas we were having a meal out and I am pretty sure he noticed me wearing it. Nothing has been said but I did wonder if he thinks it may be my wedding ring. Maybe I'm just speculating too much! It's probably more likely he is in a positive cycle and it will all coming crashing down next week!