Dingo has a good point. Also, it sounds like you're trying to take responsibility for his possibly sleeping around. You could give him loving that shocks porn stars ten times a day…if he wants to sleep around, he could justify it by "feeling tied down by one person". Whatever happens, it's not your fault. Do what feels right to you.
Oh no, I am definitely not trying to take responsibility for whatever my H is or isn't doing. And honestly, I don't think that he is "sleeping around" or even sleeping with anyone else. But I have to admit I do not know, because he is acting like someone totally different than I thought he was, so I have to question everything I think about him now and make no assumptions.
I actually think that I am getting pretty good at not taking responsibility, and realizing whatever he does has nothing to do with me. For example, when I saw the pic of him on FB getting drunk with a bunch of women on NYE (jeez, this must have been a dream for him - he lives by his ego, and his ego is driven almost solely by being wanted by women), it didn't even really make me get that sick feeling in my stomach. I think that when he does things that are that far out of character (or maybe it's that far from acceptable for me), I am actually able to be pretty detached. I honestly thought, "oh gross, this reflects poorly on my H." I kind of feel sorry for him and embarrassed for him. I really don't think it reflects poorly on me. I just think he's an idiot. And sadly, he surrounds himself with enablers and nobody that will call him on his BS.
Sorry, that turned into a rant of sorts.
When my H first BD'd, it was largely about the SSM problem. And I realized that I really had denied him something that was super important to him. And it was something I didn't want to deny him, but I couldn't figure out how to make it work, because my needs were not being met either. Long story short, after BD, I was willing to give what he needed and ignore my own needs for a time. But I think that time is up. By now, he should understand that this is not about a SSM, but my self respect. And you guys are right . . . if he doesn't then it's just more of his BS where he wants to make up his own story in his head instead of looking at reality. (Fine, nobody said that, but you said it doesn't matter what he thinks. )
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
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