WAW stated in an email that she wants the process to move as quickly as possible so she can move on and continue healing, so I'm not coming up with this on my own. She has stated that's what she needs
Oh I know you're not coming up with it. You're familiar with Sandi's rules, correct? Don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do? That's because early in the sitch they're confused and in turmoil. Whatever they say is a product of that confusion, my W said things to me that a day or two later she didn't even remember saying. This is your quote that I was responding to:
"I have accepted that my WAW thinks this is the only way she can be happy, so I'll give her the divorce she needs to be happy."
The D is not going to make her happy. Sure she may think it will, but it won't. Have you read DR? Whether or not you have, reread this blurb from chapter 1 and ask yourself if D is really going to bring you and your W happiness:
The divorce trap seduces over one million people each year. It promises peace and tranquility. It offers a fresh start, a second chance at romance, contentment, and self-discovery. It lures people into its grip by offering assurances that walking out the door can eliminate life's seemingly insurmountable problems. When you're desperately unhappy, these so-called guarantees are hard to resist. But there are good reasons for doing so. If you or someone you love is contemplating divorce you will want to know what I have learned about the truth about divorce.
In my work, I've had a bird's eye view of what happens in people's lives after divorce. I have seen the intense pain and despair that lingers for years. I have seen times when every birthday, holiday, or other causes for celebration have been nothing more but painful reminders of a divorce. I have seen the triggering of unpredictable, hurtful events such the total rejection by the children of the parent seeking the divorce. I have known children who, even after many years following the divorce and after their parents' subsequent marriages, still want to know if mom and dad will ever get back together.
Now, after three decades of our social experiment with rampant divorce and disposal marriages, I know it isn't a matter of people keeping their marriages together because they can, it's a matter of people making their marriages work because they should. Divorce stinks! Why? Recent findings about the long-term effects of divorce speak for themselves.
* Except in very extreme conflict-ridden families- and most families do not fit this criterion- children are better off when their parents stay married.
* Children are more likely to finish school and avoid problems such as teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, and delinquent behavior. Plus, they are more likely to have good marriages themselves.
* Even if a parent is happier as a result of divorce, there is no "trickle down effect." Children still struggle emotionally regardless of how the parent feels.
* Married men make better fathers. They are more likely to provide guidance, role modeling, and financial support.
* Marriage is good for most adults. As compared to single, widowed or divorced people, married people are healthier, have better sex lives, they engage in fewer high-risk activities such as substance abuse, they live longer and they are happier!
* Depression is almost three times as prevalent in women who divorce once, and four times as prevalent in women who divorce twice than in women who have never divorced.
* A random sample of over 8,600 adults revealed the percentages of those who felt lonely. The results are as follows. Marital status and % reporting loneliness:
Married- 4.6
Never Married- 14.5
Divorced 20.4
Widowed- 20.6
Separated- 29.6 (Page and Cole)
* Those in healthy marriages tend to be better, more productive employees. Married men miss work less often.
* Divorce increases the cost of many public health and social service programs. Single-parent households often mean children are raised in poverty or on public aid.
* A single mother's standard of living almost always decreases significantly after divorce.
* As compared to 50% of first marriages that end in divorce, 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
Many people considering divorce say they wish they could have a crystal ball that would allow them to see into the future. Actually, the crystal ball is here for the taking. Research has enabled us to be "clairvoyant." But many people choose to ignore or discount the facts because they've been hoodwinked into believing that divorce provides answers to an unhappy marriage. But how are myths about divorce being perpetuated?
The divorce trap is a powerful conspiracy that is invisible to the naked eye. Like carbon monoxide, the odorless killer, the divorce trap is an insidious influence, invading your thoughts without your knowing it.
Obviously you can't stop your W from pursuing D, but don't fall into the trap of thinking it's a good thing or that it will bring either of you happiness.
