melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[dingo]

Why not say something like:
ML to me is something special between two people that are in a committed relationship. While I would still like to work things out, we are not in a place where I feel comfortable doing that.

I know you worry that might push him to get those needs met elsewhere but if he does that, then isn't it obvious that he was just using you to get them met previously? Another situation you said was unacceptable.