That's one option. I don't know how practical this is, but another option would be to tell your daughter the truth and ask her to keep this between the two of you since you are trying to help repair your marriage.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Hi 2S2Q, you made me laugh apologizing for your verbal diarrhea - I doubt I have ever posted anything shorter.
It's an interesting situation with your W. I actually think that in many respects, my H felt the same way (trapped, suffocated, whatever it was). He used to always think he just didn't have any time to himself . . . and now he has admitted that he doesn't know what to do with all the time he has now. I wonder if some people just don't ever figure it out.
Do you think that your W truly just can't hack it as part of a family with responsibilities and obligations, or do you think that she has issues she is not facing, and this is just how they are manifesting? Is she trying to figure out what it is that bothers her? Does she want to be part of the family, but just can't figure out how? This is judgmental of me, but it really irks me when people make the conscious decision to take the easy way out - which is what this seems like to me. (Not that I have any judgments about my own WAS, mind you. )
Was it your 9 year old who found the iPad? My D is also 9 and I am pretty careful about not letting her see this site. But, I think that for your W to come here and try to find you might take some effort - I imagine she wouldn't recognize your user name - so perhaps not that much to worry about. I would, however, put a password on my iPad if I were you!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
As for her motivations, I know she has a lot of issues. Abusive childhood, teen mother, stage 4 cancer that results in her coming to the onco clinic every 3 weeks for the rest of her life or it comes back…I trust her. I trust that she was very unhappy but you're right, part of it is the typical MLC stuff as well. I might have rose coloured glasses on, I just trust that this isn't "if it wasn't for you I'd be living the coolest life ever" stuff.
I do have a password, I just left it down for a minute after reading threads and she picked it up and asked me. She must have reacted to the word "Divorce".
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
2, you could remove your signature, and that would make it much harder for your W to identify you on the off chance your D blabs and your W checks. It would require reading through a whole lot of threads.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
M and 2, You descriptions of sitch match mine. My W is obsessed with her Horses. oringally, my girls rode with her. Now only D13 still rides and D16 has been moved to the back burner in life. while she was still here, she slept on the couch, worked on her barns stuff and acted like a house guest. We were all pretty tired of it. she just checked out....
now she tells me that she's at her parents and "doesn't have a moment to breath" life's so busy with her older parents and commuting back to here to tend to her horses. I have the kids, the house and the rest of life....what am I missing here....?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
What you're missing is that she's currently a self centred raving nut job…no offence, we're all in the same boat LOL! Don't try to rationalize it too much. I do it too, but we need to back off of mind reading and rationalizing. Hence the genius of "detach, back off, GAL".
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Ok status update...we've had a couple conversations on the phone, still mostly day-to-day stuff.
A couple days ago, she sent a pretty forward text explaining she's like to ML again...asked me to reserve a hotel room...this part has me a bit confused.
I assume the daytime meetup is to avoid the kids (which I'm glad to do). There's always someone at my place so that's out..so why not her place? I can only assume she's not comfortable with me being there yet...her home office is in her bedroom so maybe...strange...
I'm just assuming for now that it's a forward step. Does that make sense?
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
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