KdogGS' Journey Part Trece

[KdogGS]

Thanks, I have done things genuinely, so I guess what they think of my actions is not important as you mentioned.

[Mimi00]

So glad you enjoyed your birthday. Hope your family has safe travels.
Your 29th year will be better. I watched a live stream of a NYE service from work and the Pastor said God told him 2014 will be the year of "greater" and I believe it will be for us all

[KdogGS]

So, tonight I believe I am actually going on a date, or at least out, with a girl I met online. She is in dental school here, we messaged online, and then she gave me her number and we've been texting back and forth. I'm actually pretty excited, she's the same age as me, and has a real career ahead of her and seems very intelligent. She also has an amazing smile from all of the pictures I have seen her. I know first dates or meetups aren't usually too deep in terms of conversations. I don't want to lie to her about my situation if that comes up somehow, that wouldn't be a good start.

Does anyone have suggestions on ways to approach it without just flat out scaring her away because the divorce isn't finalized yet?

I have accepted that my WAW thinks this is the only way she can be happy, so I'll give her the divorce she needs to be happy.

[KdogGS]

Also, completely unrelated to the possible date tonight-

Part of my recovery program involves taking a fearless moral inventory and writing down the wrongs we did to others in our intoxicated states. I have done so. The next step is to make direct amends, or at least attempt to, wherever possible. I am strongly considering writing individual letters to W, her father and her mother, and possibly her aunt/cousin and grandparents. These letters would not be justifications for anything that happened.

They are basically saying, I did things such as "embarass you at so and so's wedding by getting drunk" and apologize for doing so.

I also thought it would be a good opportunity to mention to them that I was sorry for specific things that I did or happened while living under their roof. I know that this potentially is giving them cannon fodder during the divorce, so I would be generic enough to not incriminate myself. I would also thank them for things they did for me while under their roof.

I would mention things like "there's a possibility we may run into each other around town, and I don't want there to be any animosity between us, I will definitely treat you all with love and respect."

I would close it by asking for them for forgiveness.

I do feel that I need to do this for my recovery program, and I cannot do it in person because they requested I stay away from their house. Would a hand-written letter be a good gesture?

[labug]

What does your sponsor say?

[KdogGS]

I mean on the drinking part of it, that's a go to send the letter.

On the non-drinking parts of it, that's what I'm asking the DB folks.

Should I keep it specifically to issues relating to alcohol, or also some about the depression I was going through?

[labug]

I wouldn't go into too much, as it can be overwhelming.

The drinking and depression are probably related, right?

[KdogGS]

I wouldn't go into too much, as it can be overwhelming.

The drinking and depression are probably related, right?

Absolutely.

Ok, I'll work on those letters tomorrow and try to keep them as brief as possible while saying what I think I need to say.

[Mimi00]

I agree with Labug, don't go into details of past/hurts events. Just make a general apology for any behaviors or actions that may have been embarrassing etc...

I'm also wondering if maybe you should let them know in the letter that the letter is a step in your recovery, nothing more nothing less? As they may think it's something you're doing because of your sitch...so I think intent should be made clear. That's just my opinion though, of course.

As far as the dating, I've been wondering things like that myself...maybe I'm just scared of the rejection b/c of it, but I figured the 3rd date would be a good time to let them know I was marriage/still technically married, if I felt I really liked the person.

But if it's brought up before then, I'd say of course be honest.

[KdogGS]

Thanks Mimi, I'm meeting this woman for coffee this evening, so we'll see how that goes and what kind of conversation develops!

I already have a great joke in mind. She's in dental school, so I'm going to ask her if she plans to be the 10th dentist...you know 9 out of 10 recommend this, will she be the 10th that refuses to? HAAAAA I crack myself up