wife moved to.parents house last week scared

[paul19510]

I saw W last night when she dropped D13 off for the night before returning to neighbor's house for the night. Small things happened. She called me to say she was coming (maybe something maybe nothing...Aren't we supposed to look for small changes first...She previously didn't answers texts and now does...she previously had not called to drop off and now did) she had previously just shown up and dropped off.

Also, she asked if I had gotten a 2nd extension cord for our barn when I purchased one on new years day for her. I said no. she told me she still needed one. I handled this by purchasing one early today and placing it at barn before I knew she would be there. This avoided contact when not needed. to 3's point above, space and time are asked for at this point. I felt that fulfilling my promise but doing it quietly behind the scenes was a good idea.

I also have a nagging feeling to go help her with chores at the barn this morning due to the very low temps (its -5 here today), but I realized if she wanted me to be there, she'd have asked me to come over. Am I getting this?

My DB coach had previously said that many WAS need to realize that they can or cannot DO for themselves (at least from her impression of my wife's reason for Walking away) when they feel that they are not good enough. These "I'm not making anybody happy" feelings are common in WAS. Helping her will only fuel the resentment and give the impression that I THINK that she cannot help herself.

Staying clear of her and going about my day instead of being a fixer and pleaser is my 180 for today. Besides, I have a house to take care of and 3 kids (one with a cold and fever)to keep up with. she's not asking me if I need anything with that.

She does not want to be together right now and I should not insert myself. The fact that she may not tell me to leave if I showed up to help is not the same as actually inviting me to come over. Can I get an amen?? LOL thoughts??