FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

[Ambivalent]

Waking up to a fuzzy face is comforting. Yesterday was a tough day on many levels. I spent most of it filling out a information package. Listing household furnishings was not something I enjoyed.

I also dealt with the insurance issue and had to research replacement value on the items burned. The item I am most saddened about is the beautiful sampler my loving friend made for me. She works full time and she put her heart and spare moments into that piece of artwork.

Hubs did respond to the inquiry about morg. balance and all the utility information. I asked for log in info and passwords, so I could follow and see a history of usage. He said he'd get back to me this weekend.

My mother also added to the emotional ride yesterday. Apparently my older sister (by nine) had spoken with my father. He told her everything . I do not communicate with her. She has some very serious psychiatric issues and also has resented my life and choices. Long story short, she got pregnant the first time she had sex.

Got married and 18, he had serious depression. She continued to have two more after the first. I was an Aunt at nine years old.
She has always asked for money and manipulated my parent's for material possessions. It was none of my business, so I stayed out of the relationships she had between she and my parents.
When I got married, she was jealous. I made a point to include her and my Nieces and Nephew in the wedding activities.

H. and I paid for everything, never asked either parent to fund wedding, dress, nor festivities or honeymoon.

Fast forward. Father shared what was going on, and she focused on his monetary help. She then phoned our mother and told her about the money and asked her if she had given any to me.

THIS was ugly and none of her business. I have NEVER asked for anything from my parents and HATE that I had to just recently. It is crushing my soul and weighs heavily on my physical being..

She doesn't care about my pain nor what I'm experiencing, she only cares about the money. After all these years, I'm nothing but someone to resent.

So now I need to write to my Father and request that he keep our exchanges private. To do so is actually very odd. This man was an officer in the Air Force, flew recon, and was an attaché to Switzerland. He was a spy, they were tight lipped and one did NOT discuss anything heard at the dinner table nor in the home.

Now my laundry is being aired.

So THAT was with what I had to deal , yesterday.

I'm not happy right now...I hope someday I will be again. I am exhausted by the drama, dysfunction, and depression.


" Use the gift of time to help YOU. "


How now does this ^^^ apply? I no longer feel as though I'm given a gift of time. I feel as though, since I'm now into legal proceedings, there isn't any time.

I'm going to nap for a few more...just writing this has worn me out.