GM, Congratulations! It's been a long, hard road for you and your family and I'm glad to see that the new year is starting off in a kinder, gentler way for you. Hopefully this nightmare of paperwork and negotiations will be over soon.
You've handled your situation w/grace and dignity and you should be very proud of yourself. Even though you had a lawyer, you, and only you, actually did the leg work to get everything in place towards the end.
May the new year be a far better one for you and your boys.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all so much. It feels good to be able to share something positive, hopefully inspiring others to hang on. This season of life will not last forever. It brought me to my knees many times. I can remember telling God to "stop it!" I couldn't take any more pain. What happened from there has been a very slow recovery and a necessary rebuilding of myself. Pain does serve a purpose. All of the tears I cried were part of the process of ridding myself of all of the abuse and toxicity, taking me down to the nubs. Along the way I have struggled with patience and my faith. It was hard to believe that things would ever get better since my life seemed to be getting worse with every day. I still have challenges ahead, but I feel much more capable of handling them now. I am so grateful for the steadfast support I've received here. Thank you!
GM You are an inspiration!! And I absolutely agree with all you wrote. We are transformed and healed in all of this. When I look back over the past years I am grateful, astonished and rather humbled by the support and love that has been extended to me. Sometimes I was hurting too much to see the miracle in it all, but now I can see more clearly
I realize that now I really have the chance to have the life I've always wanted. Not exactly the way I wanted, but much more promising than continuing on with someone who has the issues that xh has.
This is so true. It's in YOUR hands now, and so far, you've shown yourself to be more than capable. This refi now will start you on your way to financial stability and abundance, I'm sure of it. Good job!
I recently contacted my xh to suggest we try mediation. He has agreed and feels comfortable with the mediator that I would like to use. However, I am struggling with feelings of frustration over having to pay a lawyer or a mediator because of xh's attitude of entitlement. I owe him nothing. In fact, of we proceed to trial he may owe me a great deal. If we go to mediation I will essentially be buying my life back, but it is a quicker way to resolve this. I keep telling myself that my life is way more important that any amount of money I agree to pay, however, I'm having a hard time letting go of wanting justice. I know I want peace, so why can't I let it go?
GM, I think what you are feeling is entirely normal. As we know the divorce system metes out some fairly rough 'justice' and these entitled MLCers feel the victim in all of this. I guess if the starting point is that they want it all, anything less feels like a huge rip off to them.
My guess is that your xh is agreeing to mediation because it suits his agenda. I have learnt by biter experience to be on my guard any time my xh does 'nice'. He wants something and expects to get it.
Presumably the object of the mediation is to agree that your xh owes you something, and that the overall cost will be lower than going to court? Plus quicker.
Will mediation also mean that your xh can't revisit this when he gets another vindictive fit on him? Can it be 'sealed' by the Court?
Bea, yes, my xh thinks that he will finally get the money he is entitled to. In fact, he wanted me to assure him that he would receive a payout if he agreed to mediate. I responded that I could not predict the outcome anymore than he could. I let him know that I am perfectly comfortable proceeding with the court action, and I am, if he chooses not to mediate. I would really like to put an end to this quickly and I am hopeful that mediation is the answer. I keep trying to imagine what my life will be like when this is finally over. With those thoughts in my head any amount that I have to pay is worth it.
I am feeling so angry. I keep catching myself have conversations in my head with xh. I don't want to feel this way, but there has been such injustice in the way I have been treated. I have to let it go. I know that. This is hard.
