Learning from yesterday, Living for today!

[chasingpavements]

For me I am starting to recognize the passive aggressive behaviours and trying to stop it in it's tracks. In the past if I really wanted to do something, or had an idea, I was afraid of how he would react and I could picture what he would say to me. That would stop me from talking to him and I would just hold it all inside. Instead of asking him for his input (which I was afraid of) I would go ahead and do what I wanted.

If I wanted to paint a room in our house I would imagine his reaction of saying, "we don't have enough money in the bank to paint right now, how could you even think about doing that? We could spend the money on something more important." Then I would think to myself, well HE just spent money on a case of beer for the same amount and how important was THAT? And then I would go buy the paint. This, of course, would anger him because I did it without talking to him about it. And thus the cycle continues.

I am starting to talk to him more often about things, without worrying about his reaction. A new, more vulnerable side of me has been coming out. I have been surprised lately because sometimes his reaction isn't what I expected and he has given me positive answers/replies.

Often his reaction is just what I expected, though. If that is the case, I approach it differently. I calmly tell him that it took courage for me to open up to him because I was worried about his reaction, but that the subject was important to me. Me telling him this seems to be helping.