So you're dating......good for you!

[CallaghanClown]

Today my detachment was tested, by my H and me. As was my strength, compassion and love. I think I did a good job but I was spinning for a little while.

My H asked me to go to lunch with him and the kids, he wanted to spend the day together etc. I did go to lunch but just couldn't spend the day with him. The more he spoke of missing time with the family, the more he wanted to come shopping with me etc, the more I realised that I had to leave him alone with the kids. If he really wants to come back then he needs to miss me.

I didn't want him to have the best of both worlds but then I didn't want to control him. So I did what made me feel comfortable, I said No to him kindly and had the afternoon to myself.

I didn't want to spend the day with him, looking at him wondering where he's gone, what he's thinking, whether he wants to come home, does he love me, how long this will go on for etc....

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried that this may push him into the OW arms, but that's his decision. If that's what he wants then I can't stop him.

He spoke again about getting professional help, but has not yet contacted a counsellor. He's exercising again and it seems to be helping him. He's got food issues again, I can see the pattern I've seen before. He's taking his meds, so he says and I believe him, at the moment. He says he cries less, but then cried in the middle of the restaurant when I said I was leaving.

I've asked him if he'd like to meet me and the kids for dinner to celebrate a big event in his life, he agreed and seemed very grateful. I wouldn't normally ask him to do anything with us, unless he's asked to visit, but I felt this event needed to be celebrated. I've left him in control of the details, so I hope he doesn't feel pressured.

I didn't spin too long, that's a good sign. I'm getting there. But I still wonder if he's getting there. I see movement from him. He misses us, he's realising he's lost something special. I wonder if this kicks him back into the replay tunnel or forward out of it.

One thing....I'm not jumping on his rollercoaster. I'm too busy to play!