So 2. Although this is uncomfortable...like everything else...just take it with a grain of salt and keep my feet moving. Right?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Your W needs space and time. She is attempting to limit contact so that she can avoid any R talks and/or drama that has occurred before and after BD. If my H had to come into the house, he would bolt as soon as possible. I think that he looked at my like a ticking time bomb just waiting to melt down. As I got stronger, stopped the R talks and stopped looking/acting so fragile, he started lingering, he started hanging out and just acting more relaxed. But it took months to get to that point. The time and space is necessary for the WAS, but really really beneficial to the LBS too. I actually got to the point that I liked when H left because I was tired of walking on egg shells. Think of it as a good thing. Keep moving.
Paul, I can’t answer for Bug, but in general you will find all kind of behaviors. WAWs can be amicable, they can be fire spewing dragons and everything in between; but how they act at first, doesn’t show anything about the possibility of an R. You will find all kind of stories in here showing this! You will also find an awful lot of LBHs that wish their WAW acted different and more like others and you will find an awful lot of LBHs that spend several months focusing on the WAW instead of putting the focus on themselves. I am one of these! You need to focus on you!
I could write page up and down about this but you have the advice in your thread – read through it again!
All the best! F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
All thanks for the input. So nothing bad..nothing good per se. It is what it is. Just keep moving.
3, I would imagine that the fact of us having some contact almost daily due to parenting etc just makes the process of getting time and space lengthen. (Ie ...we just text or emailed or talked yesterday...so I really don't feel like ive been away from you even though we didn't talk about IT.) Make sense? I am just moving forward, but ialso see now that she's someone I'm. Looking for (not literally) each day. Detach detach detach.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
The fact that this is the 3rd time she does the exact same thing is an interesting dilemma. All the more reason to do you Paul. Hit the gym, do some new stuff, take advantage. Consider this your hall pass to do stuff you've always wanted to do.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Also I remember when I left for my brother's. House 5 years ago, it felt foreign and strange to come in. I think I knocked on the door and waited to enter. I left l then because j felt l neglected and set aside.
I came home after 10 days when she got in an accident. Originally it was just for a night to help her and take care of the kids. But we talked agreed to mc and I stayed. We never resolved the root of it. Now we are here.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
2, going to gym mon to Friday. Take HIIT class at gym on Tuesday's and Thursdays. Its a group thing. Have continued to reach out to friends in my sons hockey team to get out more for drinks and social stuff.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Labug, I may have asked before so forgive me....is this period of distancing (like not even coming in the house) fairly common early on? Should I be assuming the worst because of this? Did this coldness occur in your witch too? Reason I am asking is it seems that. Eventually things DID change for you...but it took a while
It's common. My H distanced himself completely for over 2 years. We saw each other occasionally because we are parents of 2 sons but he was like a not close friend. He avoided me if he could at all.
Use this time to work on you, it is a gift as Cadet tells everyone in his first post.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thankyou for getting back to me. I guess its amatter of personal choice how long to wait but I can see that 4 weeks is not long at all and that silence or essentialonly contact during this should not be interpreted as bad or good. It just is...
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
It is a matter of personal choice! In fact all of this is I am not an expert but I have read several times that R rarely happens in less than a year!
You have a lot of choices in front of you! Do not rush them! You will properly go through a lot of different feelings and you want the choices you make to be the right ones. If you choose on behalf of feelings like anger, despair or likewise the chance of a wrong decision increases.
Take your time! You have plenty of it!
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
