Actually, I've accepted what I knew nearly 17 years ago: to stay married (without divorce) meant that the rest of our lives (hers or mine, whichever came to an end first) in this marriage would be sexless.
Forgive me if we're going over old ground here... But if you and your wife know this, why would she object to you having a little friend with benefits on the side as long as it didn't disrupt any other aspect of your marriage? If you go out somewhere for a few hours in a context where your wife can't see a reason for it, does she quiz you and insist on knowing what you did?
I think that anyone who puts their spouse or long term relationship partner in a sexless or affectionless position, should expect and allow this. It is the sane thing to do.
If you CANNOT have sex, there are other ways to please your partner sexually.
Someone who refuses to do it, is denying their partner affection and kindess which they should be allowed to recieve unless they are truly a detestable character.
Duty sex is better than no sex at all, some people just don't have the desire, and some people don't have the desire, but there are triggers and buttons which can start the fires.
Some people are just selfish and using their spouse for emotional and financial support, while they live their own independant life, they really don't care about their spouse.
