Hi all. I'm new here.

[2ndTimeHurt]

2th, sounds like you are doing great - keep on keepin' on!

Good luck with Kyle Orton . . . .

At least he was a starter... Oh boy, it's going to be a rough game, but I'm excited. My team is like a car crash... Horrible, but you can't help but watch.


I wouldn't say great, but hanging in there and trying to stay positive.

Keep on keeping on is what I do best!!

Hope you're finding some peace as well;)

[2ndTimeHurt]

I think I need some reassurance or words of wisdom right now. I'm pretty sure I know what I have to do as I've been in this position before but it's always nice to hear something positive. Can anybody help?

Just had an emotional talk with the ex. And I've had this talk with her before during our last breakup too. She said she's done and she tried to make it work but saw the same cycles repeating. To my defense they weren't the same cycles(rage issues), but she just wasn't in a happy place with herself. It was hard to bite my tongue with some of the nonsense she was saying but I kept my mouth shut.

If I know her and I know I do, she'll bounce back and things will be amicable again. I think I need to go dim right now. It's only been 2 months so I know I have a long road ahead of me.

Man this s*cks...

[2ndTimeHurt]

I'm also wondering if I should've kept up the guise that I'm ok hanging out as "friends". I pretty much told her it s*cks that this is happening and I still obviously have feelings toward her.

Honestly, I was cool just hanging out with her. For some reason I'm not sad or emotional when it's just me and her. But after this conversation I told her that I'm hurt. Which I obviously am but I did a really good job of staying positive and upbeat. Maybe ill let things cool and see what my next move should be. Or maybe I'm completely delusional and I should go completely dark. Ugh!!

[2ndTimeHurt]

After a night out of drinking I think I'm ok again. I think I found my calm again.

[2ndTimeHurt]

What do you guys do when you feel you've scared the squirrel away? Anything in particular or do you just keep on keeping on.

I can handle the argument setbacks, but whenever I hear her say that it's over and we're not good for each other; I find it especially hard to keep on keeping on. I keep telling myself that she doesn't really mean those words because she has said the exact opposite before. I'm the love of her life and she wants to marry me. Also, during our first break up she said those same exact words too. Says she doesn't want to give me hope. Hope is all we got at this point. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best is where I'm at.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Question. I hope somebody can answer this for me.

I just recently picked up divorce busting(still trying to find divorce remedy). I'm only about 50 pages in and I'm finding that it pretty much relates to much of the other books I've read. I wish I would've brought up solution based therapy to our couples counselor when we reconciled. Oh well, next time haha.

Anyway, my question is.... What's the main difference between the 2 books?

I'm finding that I have to do role reversals a lot with this book(men are from mars.... explains this as well). My ex had a lot of masculine qualities and I'm a sensitive man(that had rage issues haha), but I'm still glad to read that the info in the book coincides with what I've already read. I can't wait to finish it. I just hope there are pertinent nuggets that I can apply to my situation.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Tell me if this makes sense.

Sorry I'm a bit emotional right now and not because of my situation. My cousin informed me today that his best friend's daughter and another friend's wife were killed in a tragic car accident a couple of days ago. There were 2 families(husband/wife and both had 3 year olds) and 2 cars. They were going on a trip together. The first car got into a little fender bender so the wife and the daughter(the one that passed away), jumped into the other family's car. The husband hitched a ride and was going to meet the rest at the hotel. He made it safely to the hotel, but the other car got hit by a semi and the other guy's wife died shortly after the accident. The little girl died of her injuries later. The girl was only 3(same age as my son). So here's 2 families, one lost a daughter and one lost a wife/mother.

After hearing that I was choked. I couldn't imagine losing my son and I also can't imagine what it would be like to have your wife, the mother of your child killed.

So here I am thinking... Life is too precious. Time to jump on my grateful bandwagon. I was just admiring my son all day and thinking how lucky I am to have him. Also I was thinking I'm grateful my ex is still alive. How I want to always treat her with respect and kindness no matter how pissed she gets at me, no matter if she thinks it's getting my hopes up. I'd rather have whatever time I have on this planet being friendly towards each other, not cold and distant. Does that make sense or am I just being over emotional from hearing about death?

I think my brain is telling me to ride out the friend zone until the next crisis(her dating) happens. No one knows the future right? Our friendship may turn into something more, or I may completely detach and find another woman, or the world blows up tomorrow....

[AnotherStander]

Anyway, my question is.... What's the main difference between the 2 books?

DR was written after DB and is sort of an "update" of DB. It's not really necessary to read both, but if just reading one then DR is the one to read.

My ex had a lot of masculine qualities and I'm a sensitive man

Have you read The Married Man Sex Life Primer? It gets into alpha versus beta behavior quite deeply. Sounds like you're heavy on beta, while this may have worked in the M it's not likely to attract your W back as much as alpha will.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Anyway, my question is.... What's the main difference between the 2 books?

DR was written after DB and is sort of an "update" of DB. It's not really necessary to read both, but if just reading one then DR is the one to read.

My ex had a lot of masculine qualities and I'm a sensitive man

Have you read The Married Man Sex Life Primer? It gets into alpha versus beta behavior quite deeply. Sounds like you're heavy on beta, while this may have worked in the M it's not likely to attract your W back as much as alpha will.

Hey as, thanks for responding.

I'm very self aware of alpha vs beta. Ill admit I have lots of beta qualities, but I do have alpha as well. Ill take a peak at that book. One thing I know is that my ex is not really attracted to alphas that much. She sees them as players or pigs etc. I just have to find the right alpha qualities to show.

Can you give me some examples of good alpha qualities?

I think a major factor in our relationship was that I wanted to be a great father. So I ended up staying home a lot while my ex socialized. She is fiercely independent but at the same time she wants someone to depend on. I am fiercely dependable which worked for part of her personality.

A lot of distancer/pursuer going on. I've been reading about that lately.

[2ndTimeHurt]

Here's some irony that I found quite funny.

So my ex came by tonight to visit. She goes on this tirade about her best friend. Her fruend(male) is leaving his 6 month marriage for a woman currently getting divorced. She is thoroughly disgusted by his actions. Saying stuff like "they have a child together", "they are married and shouldn't give up". She's also pissed that he's having an emotional affair.

I pretty sure I screwed up because we didnt quite get married. We were engaged but she left. She said that she would take vows very seriously and that's why she is also pissed at her friend. Funny because I told her I was committed and so was she, we just didnt say it in front of people and have a certificate to prove it.

Argh. She cracks me up sometimes. I guess it really is easier to see things from the outside. Maybe she will realise some of the stuff she says to him. They're meeting up and she's gonna give him a piece of her mind.

Anyway. Thought I'd share.