then out of no where a little bit of hope to hold on to and now I'm crying the same tears all over again. Wondering why did he reach out, why did he make it seem as though he wanted to see me again?
What happened to that strong, independent person that you said you had made yourself into in the last year? You have GOT to quit having such lofty expectations!! Here's a blurb from what I posted to you earlier:
"You ask what the rules are at this point. Well, first, do not have any expectations!! Let him drive the pace. Don't look at this as getting your old M back, look at it like you're dating someone new. You know how when you start dating someone you're a little mysterious? You're independent, have your own life, and you keep them guessing as to whether you're interested or not? THAT is how you need to be now too. Sure you have a history together, but in many ways it IS starting over again. And just like when you were dating, HE needs to earn YOUR respect and admiration. Make him work for it."
DROP the expectations, they will do nothing but derail you and drive him away. Expect NOTHING. Make HIM earn YOUR respect and admiration. FOCUS on what we are telling you, you've gotten great advice here but you dismiss it and go right back to old habits. Get out. GAL. Quit expecting to reconcile and focus on YOU. The stronger and more independent you are, the more he might be attracted back to you.
Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
So I'm here at a tipping point of my life realizing that one, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Two, I'd like to believe there is hope after being apart and now divorced, three that I've got to make necessary changes in order to have a lasting relationship with my ex or someone else...
GOOD thoughts, now get back in touch with THAT attitude!
Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
I'm all over the place with my GAL and what I should/shouldnt be doing. i don't want to over or under do it, but I'm not sure as to what to do next.
Again from my previous post to you:
"Second, remember your DB'ing! Much of DB'ing is for life. Remember to keep your GAL activities, even if you reconcile and remarry you still need to keep your own identity to keep the M healthy. Being a little codependent in marriage is normal, but being too codependent is harmful to the M."
Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
What if we both are DBing with one another? What do you do there?
DB'ing is giving the WAS time and space to sort things through, but don't get confused about what he's doing, he is NOT giving you time and space because he wants you back, he's distancing because he's "done" and is a WAS. He's showing some interest again and started pursuing you a little, but you CANNOT pursue him or he'll run. Do you know the squirrel analogy?
"If you try to feed a squirrel by hand, you have to hold perfectly still. It will slowly come to you, but even if you don't move, it will sometimes get scared and retreat. But it will return and get a little closer each time. If you get impatient and make any move towards it, it will quickly run the other way and the entire process starts all over again from the beginning. But if you remain patient, it will come closer and closer until it will finally reach out to you."
