Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

Ok, very practical question here. If I decide not to confront about the A, I still face a very important boundary issue.

W and I work for a faith-based organization and she is frantically looking for another job. Her reasoning is that she is tired of the control and manipulation present in the organization. (Similar to the military or certain companies, there is an expectation of marital harmony and a moral code). She has also claimed control and manipulation toward many of her current friends, and toward religion in general, and even commercials on TV.

She even has been contemplating simply resigning - a move which would likely end up in me being let go as well.

I am not willing to lose my job, knowing what I now know about the affair, because I now understand that the control and manipulation she refers to is most likely her guilt and repression and projection concerning the A.

So, if I choose not to confront the A at the advice of the experts here, but she risking our jobs (and our family's income) is a boundary I am not in favor of her crossing, how would I bring that up in as "DB" a way as possible?