sorry, i forget myself and type like i talk- i can be confusing & half @ss. "go there" would be - "the r talk" or some variation. never , ever a good place for us to go. i ask & say same things- h has nothing to offer, as usual. it's sad that two people who spent sooo many years and have soo many good memories and things they've shared- can be sooo "stilted" due to his, incredible greed & stupidity (mild version). is it really mlc/.? is it just crap? idk anymore. i get the feeling he's still "attached" tome no matter what he says- i could be wrong about all this- i've been on a bad roll of misjudging my audience. it still surprises me- i think i'll never be able to totally "swallow" it all.
ooh well- that's my loose screw.
he said in same talk that his view of me in his life is "i am his "home". so, that's not bad is it? i am really. but then he manages to also say if i were to demand he get rid of ow- or me- he'd let me walk! he says same thing applies to her- what an f'er huhh? thanks so much man- i feel soooo treasured. then he says he'd prefer i stay in his life- i say i want a rock too- he says he can be a rock sort of but not my end all be all- thanks again. did i say end all be all> i don't think so. i say i'm feeling amazingly delicate about this all- all the time- like i may end up homeless any minute. he says i never have to worry about a home to live in. i guess it's "something" but what would that be? really?
i can't think what else - i wish i could remember a bit better when we cover so much territory of too delicate and touchy a subject. my brain just is toooo involved to actually store anything much. l
since i am spending quite a bit of my existence being too tired lately- we made each other exhausted . at least we didn't get to yelling- i swear - i can't "do this" anymore (so i say daily - a bunch of times)
you're cute- the only thing amazing about me is how amazingly screwed up i probably am and how amazingly convoluted my brain can get sorting thru the $hit that is my day to day life. twirl away. so, like, is neurosis the new "normal?" i have a friend whose always telling me that "60 is the new 40" - duhhhhhh wtf??? me, i'd rather be 40 - or normal.
i'll be careful lifting things - i'm outta here - too tired to function.
