You could start by mowing the lawn. That seemed to work before
I think you're right FY. For what it's worth. Re-writing the history is part of moving on. It shocked me when my ex said she never loved me. When she re-wrote history in front of me and the MC. I had never seen that.
Since then? I've seen it plenty of times with various people. I'll never know why she wanted so desperately to re-write her history. I don't know that she even remembers doing that to be honest, nor why she was so angry at the time. It all seems to be a protection mechanism for people to do that.
It's the why that kept me wondering for so long. I stopped wondering and it's been a good thing for me. The end of the day, she wanted out. The why is not nearly as important as the what. Except for the future when we still have to raise the kids or be there for them. It results in me keeping a wall up (she's remarried to OM; I'm not taking that wall down any time soon when it comes to them - there's no real reason.) So it has an impact, but I think it has to have a purpose as well. A protection of something. <shrug> Who knows right?
The action part of that seems to be waiting, like T2, for the spouse to get out of that protection mode. To starve the anger towards the LBS. I wasn't very good at that, but some are. Once that's done, then it becomes a matter of the MLCr to figure out their next step. Or the LBS. Both have a part to play.
It's during that time the LBS seems to get a golden gift of introspection and growth. I refer to it as a parting gift from a woman I once loved and who loved me. She said she didn't, but I know better
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
