"Like 3 said, my goal is 30 days. Then I will reevaluate. I can do this for 30 days. I am going to read some other threads and focus on myself and time with my kids and friends. I am going to smile and find my happiness. I am going to be the reason for my happiness."
OK, well that is good stuff, but I wanted to clarify that DB'ing does not mean you HAVE to go to events with your H and watch as he makes a mockery of your M and behaves like a drunken fool. It obviously is causing you a lot of pain, so quit going! The next time some event comes up just tell him you're no longer comfortable going as a "couple" given the reality of your sitch. He probably does it to save himself the embarrassment of having to tell people what's really going on. Time to quit being his pawn.
Also be much more specific in your goals. "Find my happiness" and "focus on myself" are vague goals with no real criteria for determining if they've been met. Ask yourself what things would make you happy (painting? Learning to play guitar? Eating a picnic with the kids?), then shorten that list to things YOU can control (for example, "reconcile with H" might be a goal but it's not one you can control) and get to to work on that list
