There was some discussion on whether or not the M was good and the spouse was loving, in RL's last thread. (now closed)
I like the way nero put it in her last post there. She can see it’s not as simple as good/bad. It never is.
It’s all about our present perspective. The ability to re-write history, or only focus on certain parts of it, is not confined to the MLC’er or walk away spouses. It is obviously a normal human trait, probably part of a coping mechanism which likely helps us make decisions and move forward. A good thing!
I can really understand how someone needs to “feel” a certain way about the past in order to be able to move forward.
We can change how we view the past, and how we feel now, but not how we felt then. We were in love, and our spouses did love us.
I want to always remember the good times/years for what they were back then, no matter what happens to us in the future. Blissful in the knowledge that we were always fully committed to each other, intimate partners in this game of life.
But then that's based on my present perspective, where we're still at least partially committed to each other. Maybe I’ll too change my mind if and when I’m done!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
