I'm angry he didn't contact the kids on New Year's Day. I'm angry that the kids don't even miss him. I'm angry that they expect him to let them down. I'm angry that my kids are sad and he doesn't know. That they are having nightmares, sleep walking, crying etc and he has no clue. Silly silly man. I know this is all so much more complicated in his head than I could ever imagine but there is a huge part of me that just wants him to wake up and see what he's missing. My two kids are worth more than anything he could possibly be getting elsewhere. I cant even fathom what more than them he could ever want or need.......
I could've written this CC. H hasn't contacted the girls since Christmas Day and that was only a text. They didn't received a Happy New Year's either. H seems to have slithered deeper into his hole after hearing from D11 (she wrote him a letter) how she "doesn't like him or know him." And, my kids seems content without him coming into their lives. When he does come around, he only brings up sad feelings and then disappears again.
He is supposed to visit on Saturday and I'm already dreading it.
I struggled on New Year's Eve with thoughts about how he was spending his time. I was with the kids and he was????
For today, I'm going to try and focus on me, focus on what I can do, work to fend off the thoughts of him and I will just BE the person I want to Be. The woman I want to Be is strong, motivated, capable and busy. That's who I am for today. One day at a time.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
