Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part VI)

[AnotherStander]

Happy New Year everyone I had a really great vacation, spent a lot of time with the kids over the Christmas break. They are now on a ski trip with W, I'm happy for them that they were able to do that as the kids have never been skiing. I'm not sure whether OM went along, I'm guessing he probably did but I don't really care one way or the other.

I met a woman over the break that has made me rethink my attitude about never getting married again. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in my threads, but to this point I felt like I may not ever get married again because I just couldn't see blending my kids and someone else's kids into a "new" family, especially with two of my kids being older. Then I met this lady. She's just a bit younger than me, extremely intelligent and kind, never married, no kids, beautiful. We've only been out twice but we've connected like no one else I've gone out with over the last 6+ months. I just never thought I'd meet someone I was compatible with that didn't have kids, but now that I have I can see what a perfect fit it could be. Not that she is "the one", but she has made me realize that even if she isn't, the possibilities are out there Save the 2x4's, I'm not saying I'm running off and getting married or even getting serious with this lady after only 2 dates, just that she has changed my perception of what my future path may be.

It now seems that your former forgiving and near unconditional love for your W has been replaced by anger at how the WW is dismissive of the kids needs and feelings, along with your own indifference or ambivalence gaining steam.

Maybe I've posted some misleading info, because I certainly don't feel any anger towards W. I've posted a lot about my D's anger towards her, perhaps there's some confusion that I share those feelings? But I don't. However, you are quite right about the indifference/ ambivalence. One of the DB'ers posted a Facebook comment about his current feelings for his W, and I posted that I love my W as the mother of my kids and someone I spent a quarter century with, but I'm not in love with her anymore. I said it's not something I wanted, or tried to do, it just happened. And it doesn't bring me pleasure or relief, in fact it's more disappointing that I've lost all feelings for her.

In regards to that book by Dr. Willard Harley of the Marriage Builders Forum, His Needs, Her Needs.....

Dr. Harley himself states that this particular book is not appropriate for a Wayward Spouse's current foggy mindset. It allows for the WS to justify all of their many Emotional Needs that were not being met.

Ah, thanks for the clarification. Perhaps that's why she was drawn to it, it gives her some justification for what she's been doing. That is, if she's even reading it. I just saw it on her nightstand, she's never been much of a reader and tends to buy or be given books and read 10 or so pages before putting it into nightstand purgatory, LOL!

Oh well, i hope your Christmas vacation is filled with fun and joy with your chdren.

Thank you, it was awesome! Being back at work today is not so awesome, haha!