Am I the only one surprised by how fast time seems to go by? Since BD, it has been 17 months - 2 Christmases, 2 New Years now.
I thought I should be over this whole business in a month.
I have become stronger and more detached. Detachment does not feel like I thought it would. There is no longer any fear of the future without Skippy. I am making plans on my own and plans to move forward. And although I am not ready to seek it out, if an opportunity to move on presents itself, I am no longer opposed to doing so. But I am still not detached enough to seek out those oppotunities.
In detachment, I am sometimes still disappointed. I was disappointed when Skippy did nto call me on Christmas and disappointed when he did not text at midnight on New Year. But the disappointment does not feel like it used to feel. Only more of a reality check than anything else.
He did text later that afternoon, just to say Happy New Year.
In detachment, I guess I have to get used to these touch and goes which don't mean anything at all, really. I do not have the heart to ignore them. Not yet anyway.
For those of us who are long-distance or rarely see our partners, it is difficult to tell if any of these sort of small attempts are real efforts to reconnect. We cannot tell if anything is changing becuase we can't see it. For me, trust is a huge issue. Even now, I wonder where the GF is. Not obsessively, but I do wonder.
Detachment appears to be a state where I can go hours without thinking of him. Where even when I do, it is not anything but a little sad for what was lost but it is not heart wrenching anymore.
I am looking forwar to the new year and hopefully a fresh start. Dad's foot is doing well and my cat meets me at the door every single day.
