Hi 3. Sorry you are having a rough day. As said you are only human go easy on yourself. I have noticed that when I have a few good days and am feeling pretty strong I get lulled into a false sense of security and when things crash they crash hard. Maybe you had some expectations you weren't aware of maybe not. It may just be the circular nature of the process. My dad died 12 years ago and there are days when of of nowhere the grief hits me like a ton of bricks. Our M (as we knew them) just died a few months ago.

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15