Limbo is the new normal

[Confluences]

Slow~

The MIL is part of it. At least you have a relationship with yours, so consider it a positive when she makes you angry. NYE was a real struggle for me because I got a call from a good friend who was at this house with his wife and one of her girlfriends that are both good friends with my WAW. He wanted me to come over and I refused at first because they were there and I did not want to be around them. It was just that instant moment of resentment and bitterness and anger all wrapped up into the fact that it was one of those holidays that should be spent with a significant other and here I am alone.

Anyway, I did end up stopping by and it was okay but it was a very distant place for me because I used to spend a lot of time at their place with my WAW and now spend very, very little time there. There are other friends that I spend time with and am much more comfortable being around right now. It was weird because I struggle with a lot of bitterness towards her girlfriends because they have a relationship with her and I do not right now. I don't dislike any of her girlfriends individually but collectively they all chose sides and I was the one excluded from a lot of things this year.

New Years was just a real heavy dose of multiple reality-checks for me in that 2014 is either going to be one of the most difficult years of my life or possibly one of the most miraculous ones. I still hold out hope but it's approaching 90 days of our 1 year separation period and I'm getting really anxious/fearful of the reality of divorce.

I am starting a weekly support group next week that will continue for 16 weeks and I think that will help me out a lot as I attended a "Surviving the Holidays" event and it was really good for me as it will run into April. Who knows what the New Year will bring but I am thankful for this forum and the help it has provided me through a difficult 2013.