It's Time to Sing a Brand New Song

[Mimi00]

Hi Mimi,

It sounds like you have taken the steps to detach. Great job on blocking and unfriending, that will help a lot with detachment, it definitely did for me.

I like the separation from the joint accounts idea, and your plan to make sure the direct deposit switched successfully. Hopefully it's not too much of a pain to get your name removed.

You gave yourself a timeline, and are sticking to it. Well done! I hope 2014 treats you well. You have us here for support whenever you need us!

Thanks K. Yes, I am a woman of my word and I am sticking to my plan.

Mimi, I think you're doing the right thing to protect yourself, but take it from a fellow rope-dropper, it is a much slower process than you expect it to be! It's not as simple as doing steps A,B and C and it's done. It's a mental and emotional process that takes months and months. There will be times that you think "I've really dropped the rope" and then a month later you'll say "wow, I thought I had dropped the rope but can see now I didn't, but I really have this time" then a month later you realize you're STILL in the process. Someone here posted a long time ago that they had boldly announced that they had dropped the rope on these forums but later realized that they were quietly clinging to it behind their back where no one else could see, LOL! I think we all do that at first. So be patient with yourself and don't expect it to happen quickly. Keep working on you and eventually when you simply don't care that your H posted a snow bunny pic you'll realize it's done and you've moved on.

Thanks for your insight AS. I definitely know it's a process when it comes to what's on the inside. My post probably comes off w/ the feel "STEP A B C" because we have no property to separate etc... It's just signing & filing the different parts of the paper work, no need for back and forth on anything. So that's why I'm saying I want to get it over with so I don't have to drag having to deal with him too much further in my life... but I definitely I know the mental/emotional end will take time though.

My blocking him isn't because it hurts me to see his photos necessarily, but it's b/c I simply no longer care to see what he's doing and I don't want him to have access to my life in any form either. I don't have any feelings when I see the pics w/ the possible OW. She's been in his life for a few years now, and I told him I didn't like the relationship 2 years ago, he said it was nothing. Then he followed her to where she lives now, thousands of miles away and acted like it wasn't b/c of her. So the pics are just confirmation for me, nothing more...

I don't know what the definition of dropping the rope is for everyone, but for me, it means:

- I am no longer standing for my marriage. I understand "fog lifting" could take years, but I don't have years to waste in waiting. I want to travel in the next year or so and have someone to share life with. I want children....etc...etc..etc...

- I know my feelings for him aren't gone and I still get emotional when I hear or remember certain things.... I know that will take time. But the key for me is, I am no longer afraid to lose those feelings b/c of my "hope" for him returning.

- I finally took off my ring and I may see what I can get for it at a pawn shop lol

- I am only worrying about myself now. During DB I've only been concerned about how I've hurt him, what my wrongs were...now I can now figure out how to deal with the multitude of hurt he caused me over the years with his lies, words and attitude....and how to heal from this abandonment and not carry it into future relationships.

- And last, possibly putting my self out there for a date or two...

While GALing with other women for the past few months has been nice, it's slightly a bore for me lol I miss having a male presence. I've lived alone for a year now, it's been 9 months of DB and 6 months since BD...I want to go to a nice dinner with a man, I want to be picked up, taken out and told I look nice. Someone to chat with on the phone that's not a girl who wants me to give advice on her problems!