H also has said these things within the last week or so:
-this is hard for him but he has given up at this point -he doesn't know how I could forgive him for things he's done -there is a hole where his heart should be/he doesn't feel anything -he wants to know why I still want to make my life with him-is it because of the holidays and this is hard on all of us?
Sometimes I feel like I am trying to read more into these statements and that there is still hope but the fact that he's moved on and has someone else makes me feel like I'm just setting myself up for more heartache.
I feel like a bandaid is slowly being pulled off instead of just being ripped off...
Well it seems like he's really doing some thinking.
He's in turmoil.
Keep detaching, its important to validate every one of those things he brings up.
The old "I understand how you feel" or the "I just want you to be happy" is always a good response.
If your using facebook apps to show where you are, or been. I might shut that off, or stop updating for a while. Just to cut down on the tension a bit. That doesn't mean not go out, just stop the tracking part, or however he's looking to find you.
-there is a hole where his heart should be/he doesn't feel anything
That is a total red flag statement that he may be clinically depressed. Unfortunately the LBS is the last person the WAS will listen to for advice, so it's tough for you to communicate to him that he should seek help for this. All you can do is keep working on you and leave him to the mess he's making.
I would agree that he is depressed.He is not happy with his job, with the degree he is working on. I've even talked to him about this but he feels he will figure it out himself.
I just have to keep moving forward and working on myself...Thanks everyone for words of help.
I would agree that he is depressed.He is not happy with his job, with the degree he is working on. I've even talked to him about this but he feels he will figure it out himself.
Typical "guy" response. We all think we can fix ourselves. We all think we can do it without help. And we all are oblivious to the trail of wreckage we leave in our wake due to our inability to realize just how serious it is.
LOL, It's funny AnotherStander...I never considered him a "typical guy" through our marriage but since BD, he does things sometimes that I think, Just a typical guy.
I just read a story about how sometimes when telling a story, we change the details to portray a better outcome and that this helps us to deal with the painful/stressful situation we are talking about...sometimes I feel like I do that with my situation just to make the outcome fit to what I want...making my M work.
I've posted about things H has said that make me hopeful that maybe he thinks about the M but then I think, do I post about what he says/does against the M?
-He says he wants D but is just waiting for me to accept it
-He says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. States he knows I wasn't a good man for him and he's not the one to make me happy
-He has OW who is staying with him for month while she is on break from grad school...he says they have a lot in common despite 15 year age difference (H39/OW24).
-H says he doesn't think he will ever get married again. States marrying and kids isn't even on the table with OW and that she knows he doesn't want to marry or have more kids
-H states that no R lasts forever (already planning for R to end with OW???)
Convos with my MIL (who is staying with H and OW right now while visiting) as send me mixed messages...She says things like:
-first states that H does seem happy with OW but then turns around and says she doesn't see happiness reflected in his eyes
-States she knows H still loves me
-Knows H REALLY misses the kids
-Says H told her he didn't know why I wasn't attracted to my male co-worker
-H decided not to tell kids about OW because I didn't want him to (I actually told him to decide what he wanted to do and I would go with whatever he choose.He didn't make a decision during that convo, told me he would get back to me. Then on Chrismas Eve,H texted the he and his mom would just come over the next day. H left OW at his house from 8AM to 6PM (he did go home for an hour) on Christmas)
-MIL tells me to hang in there but then phrases it as she knows I will find someone else
-MIL tells me that OW won't be back until March so I have between now and then to "do what I have to" but when I ask if she thinks it would even be worth me trying she gets wishy-washy
What bothers me also is that for the last 2 years of this he!! we have spent holidays together as a family (even though the OW was here in the area for that time). Now that she moved out of state and is "visiting" H didn't spend Thanksgiving,Christmas Eve,New Years Eve or New Years with us.
