Well it's been quite a day. W came for New Years Day supper with the family as planned. We stayed late talking about things. Eventually it was late enough I put the kids to bed even though they're supposed to be at her place tonight.

We talked more and more, started hugging, eventually ML. I knew this wasn't a R so my hopes were kept low. We ended up talking, she said she had wanted to ML for a while but this changes nothing.

I'm disappointed but important things happened. We talked and she finally opened up. I'll keep those details out of this forum, but she did say she loves me still. She feels bad and said that if I could be split in two it would be better. One of me would take care of the things she can't handle anymore (kids, stress, etc. ) and another would be someone she'd live with.

She says she thinks of me always and isn't ready to let me go. I told her I still love her, I'm willing to give her space. I also told her that if she wants to talk or hang out, I'm happy to be there. No pressure, no expectations.

I didn't bring up her "friend". Knew that was a mistake.

In some ways I'm happy because this isn't about me or love for me. But on the other hand I see how she's not capable of having a relationship with me even if she wanted to. We have kids, we have a house and we have the ensuing chaos and that's not going away.

She said that if I have needs and can't continue to wait, it would hurt her but she'd understand. I told her that right now I'm working on me. Told her I've been unhappy with my personal state for a long time and that's what I'm on now, not a relationship.

So I suppose the answer is to maintain NC? Or maybe I should try to find a way to maintain some kind of R which is simply dating, light stuff so that we can continue attachments in a pace she can handle? I think NC is best for now.

I also need to accept that this is a long term problem. She loves me, has no problems with me but can't stay. It may only be a matter of time before she decides she needs someone else, someone who can be that person with no family, kids, house, stress stuff and just be a couple. That's very scary, it will hurt me to no end.

Does anyone know if there's a switch that turns off feelings for a person? I may need it.

Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.