So ... new year, old marriage I thought we had finally turned a corner. Although I am still in a sexless and emotionless marriage, the baby kept us focused on a great positive thing. And even though he has completely dropped any of the other LLs he has focused on service as his only LL now and would excitedly tell me all the things he's doing to renovate the house and all his plans for the future, Yes, future ... next year we can build this for Baby, 5 years out we could do this, 10 years out we sell and buy a bigger house, etc etc. We took family photos and had so much fun unless you knew our sitch you would think we were so happy. We had an amazing Christmas and didn't fight once for over a month. And he is typically very kind, patient, and involved with our son.
Well today ... major, major, major, major meltdown and backtrack. Our son was fussing at the dinner table and he told him to "calm down". Poor bug is teething and he is also a notorious cat napper so by 7 he was cranky and sleepy. His mom and I tried to tell him that you cannot seriously tell a 4.5 month old to "calm down". I added that the baby could sense the tension in his voice and asked him not to do that again.
He dug his heels in, said he could say "whatever he wanted" to the baby, then proceeded to his usual tirade of insults and name calling. I stepped away, put my son to sleep, and then came back angry as h*ll and told him in no uncertain terms that he is not to take out his anger with me on my son. More heel digging by him and the whole thing devolved into a huge shouting match, expletives being thrown around, me bringing up his EA (possible PA) from 2.5 years ago, me reminding him of his disgusting behaviour during my pregnancy, his mom having a semi nervous breakdown, me packing a bag for my son and myself to leave and of course the baby waking up.
We are now not speaking to each other, though he is sleeping on the bed now (with the baby in between us). Sigh, sigh, sigh. I'm soooo tired guys. And I don't know how to handle him or it tomorrow. My "usual" is to tell him that if he doesn't like me he should go to city hall and get a divorce and/or to continue arguing with him the following day. Should I 180 and not speak to him tomorrow? (We have never not spoken to each other for more than a few hours even when we separated 2 years ago). Or should I 180 and be all Pollyana with him? Is there a 180 in between those two? I am at a loss and doesn't help that I'm feeling guilty about returning to work next week.
I honestly feel stuck with him b/c of the baby and I know he feels the same. Sometimes I just want to release us from our misery and just file for D and learn how to be good co-parents. I think we'd be better friends D than married b/c ultimately I believe he doesn't like me (he basically confirmed this during my pregnancy) and wants to be with his A from two years ago (he denies this) or single.
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
I thought we had finally turned a corner. Although I am still in a sexless and emotionless marriage, the baby kept us focused on a great positive thing. And even though he has completely dropped any of the other LLs he has focused on service as his only LL now and would excitedly tell me all the things he's doing to renovate the house and all his plans for the future, Yes, future ... next year we can build this for Baby, 5 years out we could do this, 10 years out we sell and buy a bigger house, etc etc. We took family photos and had so much fun unless you knew our sitch you would think we were so happy. We had an amazing Christmas and didn't fight once for over a month. And he is typically very kind, patient, and involved with our son. 
