Hi Rosa, I'm so glad to hear you are doing well. I'm confident you will do even better for yourself this year.

One thing I'd like to comment on:

Originally Posted By: RosaLinda

I remembered something that Ellie had asked me almost a year ago, whether my H is so nasty because he is MLC/Lyme disease crazy, or because he has been a defective person our whole married life. I immediately said how wonderful and loving he was, but I think I was re-writing, wishing for something that never really was there. We loved each other, and supported each other, and were best friends. We raised two kids together.

But he never made me feel special, beloved, cherished. He always, our whole married life, made me feel sort of small and useless. Stupid. Fat, unattractive, immature. His favorite put down is to call me a child. He rarely initiated marital relations, it was always me. I have been repressed by him our whole married life. He did not approve of the music I like (rock and roll is childish smile ) or of my family or clothes or hair. Even of my height.


Maybe there was a bit of re-writing then, and maybe there is now. Why do I say that? Because I've seen just about every other person facing D do the same thing.

I get that once we're "done" we need to justify our decision by saying the marriage was never right. But I also believe that there is no way people normally stay in a M for 2-3+ decades if nothing was right and there was no love. You did not question H's love every day back then. It was real.

I'm not saying this so you will second guess yourself. You made the right choice at the right time and need to stick to it. I just want you to feel good about all the good years you and H had together. They were not wasted years.

Also, never say never. Go ahead and get the mote and deadbolt... and a life preserver and knocker. You never know.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl