wife hardens heart-6

[Wonka]

Many of us in the family suspected that he 'changed sides'. I mean does anyone really change sexual orientation after traumatic experiences?

Planet, I don't think it is a direct result of that so-called "traumatic experience", but rather feeling more free to express himself as society is now becoming more and more tolerant of gays. We'll see a whole lot more people coming out and divorcing their spouses to enter in loving, monogamous R's with their same-sex partners.

Or maybe he isn't truly gay at all. Maybe just being himself and changing into the person he's always wanted to be. You know from reading the boards here the many of us have made changes to ourselves after BD and going through a divorce, right? Accept him for who he is regardless of outward appearances.

[planet]

Right.
None of us in the family rejected him. We always welcome him.

It is just that his changes were not expected but we love him anyway.
He's happy. It's all that matters. Anyway, glad to report that he is very close to his only daughter.

Haven't spoken to him in ages. He gave me some sound advice as well.

[MrBond]

I'd also like to point out that your pessimism on other people's posts about LBSs "having hope" is grossly inaccurate. Everyone here is on here because they do have hope and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that because YOUR situation had escalated so quickly before you found this site you feel pessimistic and it's showing on your posts. Fact is that you gave away all of your rights to your W before you came here and really haven't dealt with anything. You still run away from the OM and still are afraid of your W.

You have to find some way to stand your ground. I and no one else on the board can tell you exactly what to do because we don't know you or your W or your family in a personal way. You have to sort that out.

[planet]

I'm not saying having hope is wrong. Hope alone is a great thing. A great motivator.

But I find that hope with expectations is something else. Hoping situation A will turn into situation B and expect it as so. When the day comes, it became situation C. It wears you down after sometime.

I felt much better once I have drop all expectations of XW changing her mind. I have accepted my situation for what it is TODAY.

[MrBond]

Then you have have term "hope" wrong. Hope is never with expectations. In fact they directly contradict each other. You should clarify that when you post to others.

[labug]

Hey Planet, wishing you a great day!

[planet]

Thanks labug.
Feeling good about myself lately. 2014 does seem to have some kind of magic.

D4 is going to be 5 soon. My girl, 5.
It's been a complete turn-around for D4. She no longer refuses to go out with me. We spend some really great time together with D3.

D4 haven't been attending her music class. No one told me about it and somehow I knew. Crazy. I just felt it.
I asked XW and she verified it. Seems fine with XW, the girls kept on quitting their classes but I don't particularly agree with this. Talked to D4 about it and she opened up to me and it turns she didn't have any friends there. I told her I will take her instead and help her to make some friends. She seems ok with this and we'll see how it goes. Next will be asking XW for the address!

I can't avoid OM anymore. I guess the running stops. It's going to be really uncomfortable for all three of us (OM & XW) when I visit my kids during the days I can't take them out.
I didn't decide to stop running but the situation kind of forced me to do so.

Finally to address the current R with XW, I sent pictures I took of our kids during a kid's exhibition. Just to be nice and friendly. I hope without any sort of expectations, that it should at least reciprocated with a 'nice pics'. She did reply. It's sort of an 'instruction' to have the kids put on their jackets. Not too friendly is she?

[planet]

I took my kids to visit my bro n gf lasr weekend.
Today XW came out shouting and screaming. She warned me not to take the kids to my family.
Scared my kids. I did not fight her but told her not to speak to me this way. XMIL took to her side.
XW requested a family meeting with both families to trash out what is needed. I don't know what is the right thing to do.
Please help.
I'm very sad

[adinva]

Bring your lawyer to that meeting. Get legal advice to ensure you have the access to your children that you are entitled to according to the court.

[planet]

She knows she couldn't stop me from seeing the kid legally. Spelled it out clearly to her.

What she wants is for my mother to kowtow to her for all the hurt she received throughout our M. She even threatened physical violence.

I asked her to let go of the hurt. She just refuses. She wants to be right. Many things happened in the past even I do not have any recollection of but she remembered them like it happened yesterday.

Have my mom been guilty of saying wrong things to her? I have been absolutely wrong in not defending her in the past that have lead to this.