Reaching out for support and advice 2

[bluesgal]

Who would have thought New Years could be more emotionally difficult than Christmas? I didn't see it coming. This is the first year since 1999 that I have not kissed my H at midnight.

Had fun with friends at their home. Things were awkward between H and I. The front that we put on when we go out in public is wearing thin. We just end up avoiding each other more often at these functions. I overheard H talk about camping this summer and having our friends up. He was talking about us going to Mexico next year. (We go with our friends every other year) He is back to barely making eye contact with me. He didn't speak to me personally at all.
Even though I am more miserable and hopeless than ever, I know what to do. I've weighed my options. All of the fellow members on this forum that have been at this (much) longer than me know that the alternative which is D, will be devastating. At this point, I cannot stomach having that talk with the kids. I can't imagine taking that step yet.

So, I am going to dig deep. I am going to find the strength that so many believe that I have. I am going to DB like no other. No more kicking and screaming and controlling. I am going to work hard and forgive my set backs.

Like 3 said, my goal is 30 days. Then I will reevaluate. I can do this for 30 days. I am going to read some other threads and focus on myself and time with my kids and friends. I am going to smile and find my happiness. I am going to be the reason for my happiness.

Wish me luck! Happy New Year!