Me 14 months on, affair confirmed, someone new?

[hotwheelsaust]

You don't want to appear to be an eager beaver and respond to W's text right away. If I were you, I'd wait a coupla weeks before initiating contact with W to coordinate the engagement party.

Wonka, I won't be and am not an eager beaver with this text. It was still very unemotional. But I will wait a few weeks to send another.

Here's to 2014 being a better year for all of us

I truly hope so TTD180, surely it cannot get much worse for us.

Ms. Wonka initiated a text last night wishing me a HNY

Congrats Wonka on another little bit of iceberg being broken away.

Wow H, that is something to hear back from her so quickly....
So do you believe your W is softening to the point she is or may be able to have contact with you in a comfortable mode? I ask because of the way she worded her text with you and you would know the tone maybe?

2old, as much as it would be nice the W is softening, I don't think so. The wording wasn't the greatest and I think I simply got a reply quickly because the other woman isn't with her to put words into her ear.

With respect to your lady friend, has she been divorced? had bad relationships? She could be like so many, worried about a new relationship and hestitant to get too serious. Possible?

The lady friend was divorced 12 years ago, with the ex husband still being a positive and regular father to the kids. Two bad relationships over the last 5 years, both about 18 months long. The both relationships were quick to move in, took advantage of her moneywise (they didn't pay rent or bills) and alcohol was a big part of the men's lives. I can understand the hesistance, if there was some, it is more the sake of being very friendly when we are together alone, compared to nearly being ignored when with other people. It comes across as either:
embarrassed having me as a partner,
not wanting a relationship exposed yet,
me being totally lost in what I think a relationship compared to friendship looks like,
me being used,
or she has no idea what she wants either.

Because of all the work I have done over the last 14 months, it really doesn't cause too many headaches/heartaches. I am going with the flow, I am accepting of a lot more of what is going on and I know I will continue to lead a happy and fulfilling life with or without her.

I feel I just cant keep trying small friendly texts anymore as I get nothing more than her usual short responses. There is just nothing there from her.

2old, that is the place I got to be as well. Kept trying and got nothing back, no small positives even amongst the negatives. I think the other woman is just too much influence on my W.

As he had put a smiley at the end of his text, so did I!

TTD180 and Wonka, amazing how much a smiley can make us smile?

According to my friend Cadet she is a classic vanisher, left without saying and very little contact since. But she does have family where she is and is with them regularly.

2old, I do believe we both have W's who are vanishers. But slightly different to the ignore everyone vanishers. My W simply does the right thing with her family now, visits them during the school holidays, is friendly/happy and rings them regularly. All the while she spends most of her life quite a distance away from them and no or very little contact on Facebook and weekly phone calls. Keeps the family happy. I have noticed the W doesn't visit the friends when down on holidays as much as she did, nor does she seem to contact her friends on Facebook as much either. Whether that is through the guilt factor? I don't know. Most of the time, I don't care either.

Ms. Wonka did not open her texts with my name...it was almost always "Hi". Just dove in with subject and ended with her auto signature.

It was very rare for my W to call me by my proper name, mostly it was our pet names. Until BD, then it was texting with proper name always. That hurt a lot. It seemed so impersonal.

Well another big write-up. In another hour or so, I am off for another bike ride with a friend. Still waiting for the other lady to contact me, I have sent a text and facebook message. But all is ok. More unpacking got done yesterday. Started on the garden, pulling out all the palm trees (they drop seeds in the pool). Expect the W to head home sometime this week, if she hasn't already. So maybe the sons might start to visit now. Again no expectations, just give them the opportunity and tell them they are always welcome.

2014 will be a good year, no options. I will continue to improve on myself, be a better man, make more friends and continue to have my head held high.