Your husband sounds like he's very jealous. But at the same time I don't see her where u validated anything with him. When he talked, you responded, not listened.

I think basic DB requires us to just STFU sometimes, not push our agenda on what we think needs to be done. That part comes later after you've put in some work and he feels like he's being heard. Like I said previously, im not giving him an out here, he's obviously not doing it right, but are you trying to save your marriage or trying to tell him what wrong with him?

You want to be the person only a fool would leave. He's stated that he's got trust issues, he's jealous. Ok, that is tough, cause he needs to change too. BOTH of you do!!

I can see why your both hurting, its cause you both do things that don't really help the situation. Its such a fine line, trying to DB, but the main rule is, if something isn't working, try something else. I cant see where you were doing anything but the same old thing yourself.

Also, NEVER let a conversation get heated, much less ANOTHER heated conversasion. If you feel it coming on, then you validate and walk away. Don't let it escalate.

Listening, and validate.

I think a 180 regarding the "friend" of yours would have been more like, Why don't you come out with us, we can spend some time together, and you'll see he's nothing more" That would have defused the situation right there.

You go round and round, cause you both have your own agenda that needs to be heard. You cant really fix his problems, those are things he needs to fix, but you seemed to have spent a lot of time with this one male coworker that he obviously had an issue with. I'm not sure spending more time with him was a 180.

Getting blamed for problems in your marriage is pretty common script from a WAS/MLC, but the point is to 180 those feelings, so they feel like they've been heard. You don't get to work on the marriage if its always falling back to the same routine.

Where's Labug, she's much better at this stuff then I am, I'm terrible at trying to explain the dynamic of it all sometimes.
I'm frustrated for you, both of you. If only you could see some of your actions aren't helping, not that his are, but your the one trying to save the marriage right?