Tried a 180 tonight. Wife got home from work and i offered to cook her dinner. She declined as she stated she wanted one scrambled egg and it 'has to be done a certain way, but you can cook me something tomorrow".
So then i was chatty (which isn't normal behavior for me. Didn't seem to work. I think she is getting desperate to get out. I could almost sense her screaming inside....maybe i was reading it the wrong way but I don't think that 180 worked.
I know she desperately thinks she needs space. I discussed the idea of leaving kids in our house all week and her and i rotating out. She lives here for 4 days, i live here for three days. Meanwhile she lives at her mom's, possibly i do as well, or my fathers (his second wife doesn't really care for me much, so not sure this is an option). Anyway, great way to save money.
My wife's initial reaction to my suggestion was that 'it seemed more like a vacation that way and not really a separation'. That was two days ago. A brief discussion about adding some stuff to our finance list this evening I had asked her if that was still her reaction upon thinking about the idea. She said 'yes, still don't like it'.
I can see that as an area where we will definitely butt heads. However, unless money starts falling from the sky....seems the most financially sound idea.
I mean to give her space but should I allow her actions to put us in financial jeopardy? I know i can't control her, I know this idea would be best for the kids, but i have always handled the finances. She doesn't have much of an idea of the reality of unexpected expenses popping up etc.
Seriously we are about 1k per month in the black. Minus the stuff I remembered to put on the expense list tonight, puts it at about $850. And that doesn't include things like kids clothes, birthday presents, you know, those expenses that just seem to pop up. If she indeed moves out into her own place, at best i calculate $700 per month....leaves $150 to split between us for a month.
That margin is way too thin. We are already max'd on credit, there is no buffer. How do i push my agenda? Should i push my agenda? She needs space....maybe my idea doesn't give her that sense of space, maybe in the long term we need to live on the edge of our finances....if that gave her the space she needed to possibly change her mind about our R.
There should really be an anti-divorce pill one could get a prescription for. _________________________ me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
