OMs, cycling, cakes and confusion Oh my Lord ;)

[2chiquitos]

Hi SM,
You are in a very good place. If you look back at where you were before and compare it to now, you are in the right place. Your feelings are normal. First accept that. It's ok to be angry. The question is how and/or when is it the healthiest to express it.

Continue to practice what you learned here. Give yourself a full day (24hrs) before you bring something up to her. Often times waiting will allow you to distance yourself emotionally from what is bothering you and allow you to really dig deep.
Write, journal your feelings, let out your feelings physically with a walk around the block or just movement.
Listen to something that relaxes you.
Smell scents that calm you (lavender?)
Chew gum, helps with the anxiety you feel that comes with the anger.

Tap into all your senses before you express your hurt (masked as anger) over the sitch.

Give yourself reachable goals. When you feel that wave of anger come over you allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself 15 min in the bathroom (or a great time to walk). This allows you not to quickly react on your emotions. Then follow the other suggestions I stated above.

When you've done it all then reflect on what is it exactly that is hurting you.
Just an example.
Her actions led you to believe you are unlovable. The key word is believe. You may feel a certain way but her actions led you to believe it as truth/fact and it's difficult for you to erase fact in your brain. What can she do to help you believe you are lovable. How (5LLs) can she express her love to you?
This may be jumping the gun because she might not be ready for this but I put it out there so you can see that you need to dig deep.

Have you read the book, After the Affair? It's helped me out. H reads it and now that he's 6mos sober (from the affair) he can clearly see his fault and how selfish he was being.

I hope you can enjoy your getaway. If you're ready for it go for it. If you're not, don't worry, if God wants it, there will be more opportunities.

This is another opportunity to practice patience. You sound very impatient ;-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!