Hi there, HWA. It's your lucky day...getting a post from me before hitting the road for NYE celebrations here in the good ol' USA.
1. On another forum I was reading about vanishers, these are the WAS's who just up and leave without telling/talking or seeing anyone. Now while I feel my W in those terms may not be a vanisher, it certainly rings a lot of bells when I think she wants to stay in the country with no friends or family around. And visit family and friends only during the school holidays. Also it rings a bell when I think that she doesn't wish to contact me for any reason. So the question is, can anything be done to improve or work on this type of person? Or do we continue to just stay dark?
What has worked for me is sending Ms. Wonka texts about once a month. Friendly, fun and upbeat. Slipped some humor in it. How about wishing your W a Happy New Year for a starter text? Remember how I regaled stories about my lil' glacier that is Ms. Wonka here in the forums? Be prepared for either no or slow movement from your W.
2. Can someone give some explanation to why the W didn't discuss or put any input into our son's two biggest things in life so far. His 21st and engagement announcement. I struggle to understand how the W didn't discuss anything leading up to the 21st with regards to organising the party/present or just general stuff. Neither can I understand how she can completely ignore that our son got engaged (in regards to me, not ignoring the son), with no "great news" or "didn't see that coming". But all I got was a text 1 hour after the news about where is the jetski?
We can't really know what goes on in your W's mind. Perhaps you will need to be the bigger person here and initiate contact with W about events like this ^^. You can ask her open-ended questions on how she would like to handle the engagement party. You two are linked forever by being the parents to your sons.
3. Do I bring up the subject that I know the W is in a relationship with the other woman? I don't know if my sons know, if not, should they be told?
Nope to both. Take out the duct tape and tape it over your mouth, eyes, nose, ears, fingers and toes!! It is for your W to decide whether to inform your sons or not. And be ready for support should your sons have questions about their mother's R with the woman. Be sure to keep it neutral and state that it is their mother's path.
