Me 14 months on, affair confirmed, someone new?

[hotwheelsaust]

Just a question to the group:
1. On another forum I was reading about vanishers, these are the WAS's who just up and leave without telling/talking or seeing anyone.
Now while I feel my W in those terms may not be a vanisher, it certainly rings a lot of bells when I think she wants to stay in the country with no friends or family around. And visit family and friends only during the school holidays. Also it rings a bell when I think that she doesn't wish to contact me for any reason.
So the question is, can anything be done to improve or work on this type of person? Or do we continue to just stay dark?
2. Can someone give some explanation to why the W didn't discuss or put any input into our son's two biggest things in life so far. His 21st and engagement announcement. I struggle to understand how the W didn't discuss anything leading up to the 21st with regards to organising the party/present or just general stuff. Neither can I understand how she can completely ignore that our son got engaged (in regards to me, not ignoring the son), with no "great news" or "didn't see that coming". But all I got was a text 1 hour after the news about where is the jetski?
3. Do I bring up the subject that I know the W is in a relationship with the other woman? I don't know if my sons know, if not, should they be told?

I am dealing quite well with a lot of the sitch, moving on quite easily and not focusing on the W anywhere near what I used to do.
But I do find I need some answers still.