Whenever she starts the talk, listen to what she has to say. Just listen, you don't have to make any comments until she finishes. I really believe you need to be honest and tell her you had to deal with a lot of pain and now you have a lot of anger. Having anger doesn't mean you don't want to work on the M, it just means you are not all giddy that it took a STD to end the A.
You don't have to shoot her down, but get your cards all out on the table while she's willing to talk. It will probably takes many talks b/c this doesn't get settled with one discussion. I hope she is willing to "listen" to you, as well. There is a possibility that she will make a couple of statements and then say she wants the two of you to put it all behind you and not talk about OM/the A/STD/etc. If she should tell you that.......do not accept it. And you can even tell her that it won't be that easy. Neither of you should even think about acting as if none of this happened. However, some WAW's who go back to the LBH try to take a short cut and by-pass the hard talks.
Take the most important issues to discuss first. Save other issues (such as her changing her last name) for another discussion. Maybe tell her up front that everything won't be resolved in one discussion. I doubt you should even try to bring up every sore issue, b/c it will be too much at one time. Think ahead of time about the most urgent things to have a heart to heart that first time.
You know how we tell the LBS not to have expectations? Well, don't be surprised at anything from her. She may be thinking that you would be tickled pink that she's through with OM and she may be act shocked that you express any "conditions" to reconciling the M. Like I said last time......she seems to take you for granted. On the other hand, she may be very repenting and beg for forgiveness. So go into it expecting anything. Just know what you want.
Take your time and don't let her steamroll this situation while you sit there and not say anything. This is the time to make it known to her what you want from her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
