So you're dating......good for you!

[Whiterose]

My friend said it well last night......."You're on a coaster ride you didn't even realize you were in line for"

You're doing great CC keep it up and hang on:)

[3boymom]

CC - I just caught up on your sitch and wanted to let you know how strong you are. Such an inspiration. I know how hard this is especially with young children that are sad and don't understand why daddy is not around. My heart goes out to you. You have shown such compassion for your H. You should be very proud of yourself!

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks guys. Just what I needed to hear today.

Love to all.

[CallaghanClown]

I'm struggling a little with my H's reconnection with his father. I'm happy for him I really am, but his father isn't a nice man. He always has an agenda. He hates me......and hates the fact this has never bothered me. My H is in such a sensitive mental state I hate the thought of him being around this man. I hate the thought that this man will destroy my H again. He's done it so many times now....

I know there isn't anything I can do. And I just need to look after myself. But I hate the fact I hate this. Grrrrrrr

[mj0221]

I wanted to stop by and offer words of support from your last post. I know the reconnection with the father can be a scary thing to watch as I know my H is doing the same thing right now. You don't want anything causing H to go farther in the tunnel. Stay strong like you have been and be there for him.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks. No sooner had i posted this and he called me. He didn't mention that he was with his father today but he did say he was very very low. I then dropped a bomb that a friend had died. I honestly thought he knew and I was a little upset he hadn't told me. Guess I was wrong.....now he's very very upset.

Hadn't considered that his father could send him further into the tunnel. I was stuck on his fathers motives and his ability to send him further into depression.

This stuff gets better....

[mj0221]

Maybe I phrased that wrong about it causing him to go more in the tunnel. I don't want you thinking that. I think for my H his parents will have that affect....for your H it sounds different, like you have already thought about it...depression. It is good that H is still communicating with you. He may very well need you for support with with everything going on. Keep on going. You can do this.

[CallaghanClown]

Had some ups and downs over the past few days. Last night I went to bed feeling angry and with resentment. Woke feeling the same. When H got here I couldn't face him. But a run in the cold wind, a hot shower and an Al anon meeting and I was back to my perky self.

H gave me a shoulder rub and I returned the favour. He said he's booking in with our MC again next week......I didn't react to this. Just listened. He's not the only one that is confused.....my head spins.

The kids seem to be suffering this week. D6 is sleep walking again. D4 was in my bed last night. Not sure if it's the Christmas break or the realisation daddy isn't coming home. Plus they seem to be questioning his actions more and more these days. I'm mind reading....I'll just give added cuddles and lots of nice chats.

[CallaghanClown]

Just received a very impersonal text from H for New Years.

Yesterday he had a great day here. When he turned up I went out. I came back 3 hours later, made lunch, watched movies. Had a back rub each. He kept staring at me, kept reaching his hand to me but not touching me. I ignored it all. Just let him be. After the back rub he got very tired and went for a nap in the spare room. When he woke he virtually ran out of the house.

I had the feeling that he was uncomfortable with how comfortable his day had been.

Knowing all this, knowing that his message is probably just him trying to withdraw from us, doesn't help. I do feel hurt. I'd rather receive no message.

No spinning, just human emotions.......

[CallaghanClown]

Had a sad moment today when it was confirmed that H was on a date with OW the night of our daughters Christmas play. He came to see the play but rushed off and left the kids really upset because they didn't get to spend any time with him.

I felt so angry towards him when I found out because deep down I knew he was up to something. I knew he was rushing off for a reason. But it was when we needed him the most. Power cut, kids crying, no lights......he makes me so mad with his selfish attitude. But my anger won't get me anywhere so I'm getting it all out here.

I'm angry he didn't contact the kids on New Year's Day. I'm angry that the kids don't even miss him. I'm angry that they expect him to let them down. I'm angry that my kids are sad and he doesn't know. That they are having nightmares, sleep walking, crying etc and he has no clue. Silly silly man. I know this is all so much more complicated in his head than I could ever imagine but there is a huge part of me that just wants him to wake up and see what he's missing. My two kids are worth more than anything he could possibly be getting elsewhere. I cant even fathom what more than them he could ever want or need.......

Tomorrow he wants to spend the day with me and the kids....... I'll keep a positive attitude about it.