I stay physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted daily.
Can you find some ways to slow down? Relax a bit and not push yourself so hard?
Nothing you do will fix your W, and you already know that you and your kids are going to be alright no matter what happens. So you might as well not over stress yourself.
This is a marathon, not a sprint, remember? If you drop dead before the finish line you won't be any good to anyone!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
So spew ensues today. W is incredibly cold, then openly nasty. Tries to provoke me into a R talk/argument over what we are doing for lunch. When I said it's not a big deal, I get " Of course not, you don't want to deal with anything really important." Presumably talking about our sitch. I removed myself and made my own lunch.
Weird thing is that she has decided to clean up her side of the bedroom. Our MBR looks like those old sitcoms where someone drew a line down the middle of the room and one side is all clean and the other side is a disaster. Her clothes Ina pile on the floor, her nightstand a constant avalanche. She cleaned off her nightstand last night and was working on her clothes when I came in today. Responsibility leading to anger and spew?
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I would venture she is mad/annoyed with herself and the state of her side of the MBR, in reality....W expressed this hundreds of times...but you are the target because....you just are...
One thing, I would think about stopping any "I don't cares" and "no big deals" for a while and state what you want (even if you REALLY don't care, lol). Show her a decisive man. You can always go along with her choice if need be, but do state your preferences. And it will take one more issue off of you that she has, right?
I think you're a decisive kinda guy...
Hang in there, you're doing great!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I dunno J. Her cleaning her side of the room is a far cry from her wanting to be gone or you wanting to be gone, isn't it? Taking an interest in her surroundings for the first time in months? Seems like a good thing to me.
And T's right - you are the target because... you just are. Don't worry, if a reason is needed, she'll supply one at that time. Until then, there's no reason needed (in her world). Roll with it.
I like his suggestion. Give it some thought.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Just let her spew etc, the more she does it the faster she'll burn it out. It took W from Nov 2011 to Aril 2012 to burn hers out (at least the T2 part)...she then had to burn out her anger at life, her past, herself for a while longer...but at least it wasn't directed AT ME anymore because I gave her no ammo and let her rage.
And when she did I would ask "are you mad at something I did, did not do, say, or not say?" At first there was, then as time went on it became less and less "me"...as if by expressing her anger at me it got worked out of her system, then she could focus on other things to be angry at or had been angry at.
Man I can tell you I almost cried the day when she said "no, actually, it's not you, huh?" The confused look on her face was priceless, and the dawning realization was even more so... Patience...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thanks men. Decisiveness was me saying "I'll handle it." I made myself lunch downstairs and made S12 something to eat. She was in his room talking quietly to him about god knows what when I delivered his lunch. He smiled and said, "Thanks Daddy." Enough for me. Screw her and her craziness.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
It drives them absolutely crazy to see us ignoring their elephant.....Our behavior makes no sense to them...We should be mean and horrible, yet strangely we aren't.
This action on our part, as noted above, gives them less and less ammunition to use against us. Eventually.....you might find how really weird it can get....That is when she is telling people you are a great guy (true story LOL).
As for todays spew....that is about two things. One she had to be responsible and deal with her stuff as you made a boundary there. Second, That one is easy....It is New Year Eve and she can't be where she wants to be.
Good job and have a great night with the boys....and ignore her spew LOL
it wasn't directed AT ME anymore because I gave her no ammo and let her rage
Remember that bit, J. That's gold on this mountain you're climbing
Happy New Year!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Nightly update. My truck looks great, I've watched and played a lot of football with S12. I've heard W stomping upstairs all evening hopefully finishing up cleaning up her mess. Chatting with some friends on FB, watching one more Bowl game on TV and waiting for the ball to drop. New Year=New Me.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Working on me today for the New Year. Thinking about where I want to be next year. -I want to find ways to give back to the community and give of myself like I did leading up to the Holidays. Those opportunities are there all the time, they just get more press during the holiday season.
-Visit with my mother regularly at her workplace (nursing home). This is for me and her and the ladies that live there.
-Continue to be involved in the lives of my sons. Cultivate those relationships and be a strong role model for these boys.
-Work on our debt situation. Operate on a real budget.
-Make new friends and become closer with others.
-Listen more. Let people talk and let them know I genuinely care.
-Detach lovingly from W. Don't watch and record so much.
-Learn new and exciting recipes to cook. If I'm doing it, I wanna do it right.
-Accept my own shortcomings and learn from mistakes.
-Be the man I want to be. Not the one others want me to be!
Hooray for 2014! New beginnings.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
