Thank you all for your thoughts, and advice, I agree she had more to say, but at the time I felt she was fishing and would have kept going until she got the response she was looking for. the past year has taught me a lot about myself and what I need to change, and she likes to test. I know I didn't give her what she was looking for, when she tells me that she would have to be crazy to come home to me(or her children and grand children).
that is what she says when ever she can get me to play her "game" ( I only use the term because the lack of vocabulary on my part, I know that her feelings and how she chooses to deal with them are not a game) so some times I just step back before it gets there so I don't have to see those words on the screen (a bit cowardly) . please don't miss understand me, I listen and respond to everything she brings up. I validate, I take responsibility for my part of this crisis, and take the hit and roll with the rest of the stuff she projects at me.
The holidays started good and went down hill fast with the help of a common friends wife. her good intentions set our relationship back. this is a good example of watch what you tell your common friends.
I had shared, that just when I get my feeling under control and find contentment in the fact that my wife has to walk her path, she comes around and I have to start all over (I take that as a sign, that I have not completely let go as of yet, baby steps). anyway my friend shared this with his wife, who when we were at a common event, took my wife aside and shared that "I wish she would quit coming around because all she does is cause trouble and pain for the children and I"(and I was wondering why she started ignoring me the rest of the night).
up to this point we had gone from "hey" as a form of greeting to the use of first names, and from "see you later" to "good night I love you" and said with warmth in her eyes not the coldness I had seen prior. and from no physical contact by her, to holding my hand and embracing and not wanting to pull away. this all with in the last few weeks. that was until my friends wife "helped" at least.
we did get together for Christmas, but she was cold at first and maybe I seemed that way to her. but by the evening she seemed to warm up and so I relaxed, but was still guarded
I am not sure the exact words I used when I talked with my friend, but I said it close to just what I typed in the previous paragraph. no matter what, I don't feel that way about what my wife and I are going through and would not have expressed it that way.so I will chalk it up to a miss understanding. I know that my friend is tell me to "get rid of her" because of all the men she has been seeing in the past 6 months, and I guess his wife has the same bias. They keep telling me I am a "good man and she don't deserve me".
I guess if they are right then a good man deserves a good woman. what they are not understanding, is that my wife, at this moment, is in crisis, and I can live with that. she has been and will be again a good woman, wife, mother, and friend.
so lesson learned move on, not sure on the damage done yet by my friends wife "helping" me, but when the wife and I parted Christmas evening, I did not see the coldness that was there before, so I have hope.
I can not imagine the kind of stress she has chosen to place on herself through this crisis, but I cannot see her holding on for much longer. and then again, she is pretty tough and stubborn. I mean lets face it she married me
