An End/Beginning of Year Update

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I haven't written much recently. And as we approach the end of a calendar year and the beginning of another, I thought I'd post a personal update.

The "significance" of the December 31/January 1 crossover date was that I once pointed out to my wife that if she honestly wanted to say that we had sex once per year, that if we were sexually engaged before and after midnight, she wouldn't have to be sexually engaged for another two years (on that same bridge night) to keep to the claim that we had sex at least once each calendar year.

There was a time when we would ring-in the New Year in bed with each other, making love. But that was decades ago.

So, to the update:

No change here. According to my countdown app on my phone (which can also show time elapsed) it has been 6,113 days since the last time I had sex (or more than 146,712 hours and counting). But who is counting?

Actually, I've accepted what I knew nearly 17 years ago: to stay married (without divorce) meant that the rest of our lives (hers or mine, whichever came to an end first) in this marriage would be sexless.

We just don't talk about it any longer. I am not "hopeful" that something I will do or something about my way of "being" will suddenly flip a switch somewhere and re-spark "desire."

Whether that is just the day-to-day living, or the time I've spent with her related to two hospital stays and her recovery from those medical circumstances, nothing will have that effect. In the couple of weeks I've spent in the hospital with her, I realize that there is care and love on my part. I also realize that what is missing is a degree of intimacy that grows out of and from sexual intimacy.

So, what has changed:

I have moved from living primarily on the lower floor of the house to living out of one of the guest bedrooms (that has it's own bathroom).

I have completed my weight-loss journey. Much of my weight gain came after she chose to end sex in the marriage (I remember the "why bother" to take care of myself moment if there was nothing, including physical appearance that would bring back sexual desire). Most of my life HAS NOT been about being overweight, though getting older and less active also has had its impact.

My weight has been in the 167-170 pound range for more than a year. I have been as low as 165 pounds (4 pounds heavier than when my current wife and I met).

I began my exercise (walking and hiking) regime in 2008, but got serious about it in 2010. Last year, on the 16th anniversary of my last sexual interlude, I ran a 10K race (my first race since 1985) without any preparation or training. I did quite well even though it made me realize that there were other muscles I was not building up through my walks and hikes. I added running a day or two a week to my exercise regime.

In the month following the race, a couple of my coworkers who have run marathons started talking to me about running a marathon or half-marathon. I began a six-month marathon training program with the gradual buildup in long-mileage runs, knowing that I could always set my sights a little lower for the half-marathon distance (13.1 miles). At the end of August, I signed up for my first marathon (again knowing that I could opt for the lower mileage distance) and I ran my first marathon (at age 60) in early November.

Let me say that running 26.2 miles is really, really hard. It is both a physical and mental challenge. But let me also say that the way I ran it, staying within the training I did, I came away with an immense feeling of satisfaction without feeling totally wasted. And although I told my wife that I was training for the marathon with the option of running the half if training did not go well enough, it did not dawn on her until the day before I ran that I really had trained enough to do this (my training schedule was not disruptive to my other day-to-day activities).

I will be running two more in early 2014 as well as an assortment of other races through the end of April.

When I renewed my driver's license, the weight loss from the previous picture was obvious. Pictures of me taken in 1977 (when I ran fairly frequently) and now show the "same body" (a little saggy in places because of the weight gain and loss). My resting heart rate is between 46 and 50 beats per minute (freaks out EKG machines) and I've dropped my timed mile running speed from 11:40 per mile to 7:40 per mile. I haven't really run the marathon for speed, so much as completing it in decent shape.

My shorter races I have run for speed as I am quite able to place in the top 3 for the 60-64 age group in a number of races.

I've gotten a portion of my life "back" through running.

Well, that's enough for now. Hope you have a Happy New Year.

The Captain