I want to thank all the people here who have helped me along the way, both here and the alt.
And those who have helped by posting their journey in the past.
By reading, re-reading and studying the archives, other people's sitches, suggestions for outside reading, etc., they have given me a wisdom I did not have before. So as W has been moving out of the tunnel, the "re-dips" into replay, for example, haven't surprised me (too much), and derailed me (close, but not all the way).
Others have walked a similar path and shown that these things don't necessarily mean the story is over...it might...but might not. But rather what matters is how WE carry ourselves, in the end. To the end, or, beginning.
And we LBS also go through our recycles during this time, cycling back through the "stages" of LBS-ness, of grief. Revisiting. Reapplying. Re-feeling.
So as we roll to a new year, new beginnings are afoot. The process started within back in April with BD#3 (or is it really since the beginning of this in 2009? I can see the path looking back...) has grown me up, pushed me to where I need to be, allowed me to see things clearly. To step back enough to see the forest.
I am finally pretty much the man I want to be...a kind, integrated man. But with my quirks (naturally...), lol. Always more work to do. I am a much better father, friend, co-worker. Not sure about lover though, haven't had the opportunity to test THAT theory!
I am happy, and I learned how to be that during the worst time in my life. Jim Morrison said,
Quote:
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
W's MLC exposed me to my deepest fears, to the reality of my ego, how fragile and self-protective it was. The two most important people in my life abandoned me, the first, through death back when I was 15. The second, through MLC, when I was 46. Doing the work, on myself, has freed me from that baggage, that fear. I am okay. I will be okay, even great, perchance. But I am not afraid, anymore. Life may not be fair, but it is good.
Thank you all, vets, current posters, and all the posters from before who opened up their journey here for others to learn from...
Happy New Year!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
