Maybe you should tell him, for your own closure. You've reached a point where you really have nothing to lose. If it's important to you that he knows these things, maybe you need to tell him. IDK.
I know I've been the worst when it comes to the STFU tactic. Some of it I regret, some I don't. What I don't question is that Smokey knows how deeply he hurt me with this actions. I'd like to think I ruined a few evenings with OW too. :-)
Did I slow the process, probably. Not sure it made it any easier for him to come home by knowing this information. Probably made it worse and lessened the chances of reconciliation--but, maybe I knew that?
I'm honestly wondering if I wanted him back--even in the beginning. I think I've wanted the new and improved Smokey (minus the smoke) not sure I truly believed--after 20 plus years of evidence to the otherwise--that I could do much --one way or the other-- to influence him.
But, he skimmed the surface for so many years in terms of trying to meet my needs and, on some level, he was more there for me when he abandoned me--only because I insisted he come along for the ride.
Ya know. I think, after writing all this, I trust MY process. I'm trusting my process.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
ya know- me too. i'd like more than anything to be able to see and KNOW that he "gets" wht he's done - FULLY & COMPLETELY.
Quote:
I want to tell him that he abandoned me - more than once - and left me for dead. I want to tell him he profoundly disrespected me and our 18 years together in his abusive words and actions. I want to tell him that I hate him, don't trust him and that crumbs are not enough to fix any of this. I want to tell him I miss the old him and my best friend, so much sometimes I still can't breathe.
i love the way you put it all. i'm here - dying my hair - decluttering this stupid house- hating my life pretty much. i hate to admit it out loud- but hell, withoutLOVE in my life- it feel ssoooooo empty every day. i am doing fine, gal, going out - will go over to friends tonite - keeping busy, etc. - allll the things i'm supposed to.
but like you- know what? it's not "enough" and i can't fix it and i can't get it back and i can't do one d@mn thing to help myself or my shattered life.
i like the "left for dead" - i sure feel like it . particularly today. this jerk doesn't call- i don't even really want to pick up- but i want to know he tried. i'd like to have thought that i was in his life enough that a stinkin ten minute phone call would occur to him. i'm sure he's with ow- they can ring in the new year - they can drop the heck dead - he can go HAVE her- and do and be whatever he wants or is.
i don't know this guy anymore- wish i could find old guy- think he's dead.
oh well- buszzer going- i'll just whine more.
happy nmer year- thanks for sharing- i guess i can do it- i know i'm in good company.
xxoo hope 2014 is a wonderful new beginning kind of year for us all-
